Don't Leave Me
by AlmondWithUnicornHair
Summary: Harry, at end of 7th year, is asked by Dumbledore to return to teach. But he cannot bear the thought of being around The-Man-Who-Detests-Potter any longer.  Does Severus really hate Harry? Will Harry confess his love? HPSS, Preslash, Slash, AU, language
1. Chapter 1

"**Don't Leave Me"**

**Summary:** Harry is completing his 7th year and is asked by Dumbledore to return to Hogwarts next year to teach. But Harry cannot bear the thought of being around The-Man-Who-Detests-Potter any longer. Does Severus really hate Harry? Will Harry confess his love for Severus?

**Warnings:** HPSS, Preslash, Slash, AU, language. Don't like, don't read!

**Note:** this takes place during the end of Harry's 7th year. The events of Deathly Hallows and some events of Half-Blood Prince did not take place. Headmaster Albus Dumbledore is alive. There was a final battle and Voldemort was destroyed earlier during 7th year. During 7th year, Prof. Snape taught Potions and Prof. Lupin taught DADA.

**Dear****Readers:** Many thanks to you if you read & review. Comments helpful are so welcome, but please don't be shrew, for at writing I'm new!

**Chapter One**

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

A man sat with his head hidden by his arms, crumpled and crying as though his world had ended, at Dumbledore's desk. It was the second time in his life that Dumbledore saw the man this way and it broke his heart.

"Severus, please talk to me."

"Albus," Severus sobbed. "I can't. I can't keep hurting this much."

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

TWO WEEKS PRIOR…

"Professor, you wanted to see me?"

Headmaster Dumbledore smiled at Harry with pride. "Yes, my boy, I wanted to talk to you about your plans after you leave Hogwarts. Were you still planning on applying to the Auror Training Program at the Ministry?"

"Actually, sir, that has been my plan for the last several years, but I'm not sure if my heart's still in it…" Harry bit his lip, hesitating. "I thought I would be happy ridding the world of Dark Wizards. But after the war… I'm just tired of fighting… I'm glad Voldemort's gone, and I thought I would be happy to kill the monster who murdered my parents and countless others… but… I didn't take pleasure in killing, if that makes any sense?"

Harry stopped for a moment, lost in thought. "I know that it's what people expect from me and they might be disappointed, but I can't worry about that. As an Auror, I know that I will have to be prepared to hurt, and possibly kill, the Dark Wizards that I hunt down. I don't think I have what it takes to do that anymore… I just want a quiet life now. I hated being The Boy Who Lived and I hate being The Man Who Killed You-Know-Who. "

"So what are you going to do, Harry?"

"I haven't decided, sir. Quite honestly, I really don't know much about the wizarding world and what opportunities there are. And I'm not even sure if I want to live in the wizarding world at all. I was thinking about traveling abroad for awhile and spending some time with the Weasley's… After that… I don't know."

"Have you thought about teaching? Professor McGonagall and I have been discussing for some time that given all of your many experiences, including teaching defensive spells to fellow classmates, that you would make an excellent Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor. Prof. Lupin enjoys teaching but wants more time to be with his wife and new baby. You could teach years 1-3 and assist Lupin in years 4-7. If you are interested, Harry, I would love to offer you the position. I really hope that you'll consider it."

Harry's eyes widened. "Are you serious, professor?" The headmaster nodded, eyes twinkling. "Well, I did enjoy teaching my classmates defensive spells. I was really resistant at first when Hermione and Ron suggested it, but that was one of the best experiences I had here. It made me so proud and happy to see my friends improve on their skills and surprise themselves by doing magic that they hadn't been able to do before."

"That is exactly why you will make an excellent instructor, Harry. So, is that a yes? Will you accept the position?"

"Professor, I admit that the possibility of this hadn't entered my mind… Hogwarts has really been the only home I've known, and I believe that I would really enjoy teaching, but…" Harry's eyes darkened and he looked away from his Headmaster.

"What is it, Harry?"

"It's Professor Snape, sir." Harry sighed. "It will be unbearable for me to be around him. It is all I can do just to finish out this year."

"Do you still hate him so, Harry? I thought you had moved past that."

"No, professor, that's just it. I **don****'****t** hate him. Not anymore. I haven't for several years now. But **he** still hates **me**… He insults me, my father, and Sirius at every chance he gets... He suspects and accuses me of things when I have done nothing wrong… He spits out my name like a vomit Every Flavor Bean…" Harry bit his lip, weighing his words. "I don't expect him to like me, I can handle that. Actually, I can live with him hating me. I just can't bear him to **treat** **me** **with** hate. If I'm going to be here at Hogwarts as a professor, I won't be able to bear his cruelty. I just want… I just want him to be **civil**… But I think… I think that would be asking him too much..."

The headmaster waited patiently as Harry's hands fidgeted, and remembered with amusement of the time when he was unpleasantly surprised by a vomit-flavored Bean.

Harry sighed and continued. "He's treats people so cruel, cold, and unfair… At first I thought he didn't have a heart. But… I think I understand him… a little. Maybe I'm wrong but, I believe that deep down he does have a heart and that he has just built a cold wall around it in order to not get hurt and be seen as weak. I believe that scares him more than anything. I believe that once he built that wall, it was easier just to continue life that way. I don't think he would admit to that though. He's always treated me with cruelty and I think that he won't be able to stop because it would be seen as a weakness."

"That's all very perceptive of you, Harry."

"Do you think I'm right, sir?"

"Harry, as I'm sure you have already noticed, Severus is a very private person. I feel it would be disloyal of me as his friend to answer that particular question."

"Yes, I've noticed and I understand, sir. But, do you think that he could put aside his hate for me and at least **act** civil?"

"Honestly, my boy, if you **really** paid attention to him, he is pretty cold and short with **everyone**, including the staff, **even****myself**, and I would say that he's closer to me than he is to anyone else here."

"I understand, professor. I can handle cold. But he's **worse** than cold to me."

"Harry, may I ask you why this bothers you so much?"

The young wizard looked away and sighed. "Wouldn't it bother **anyone**?"

"Not necessarily… It's harder to tolerate unkindness from others when they matter most to us… Does Professor Snape matter to you?"

"B- But of course he does, he's saved my life many times, he spied for you, and he played an important part in the war these last years and in the final battle, so why wouldn't he matter?"

"I mean, does he matter **to** **you**… **Personally**…"

"Like I said, he saved my life. I'm grateful for that."

"Harry, what I mean is, do you have **feelings** for him? You said it would be unbearable to be around him unless he was civil, that you 'just want him to be civil,' but are you being completely honest? Are you, deep down, longing for more than that?"

"Sir, it is a ridiculous notion. You said yourself that he is cold to everyone. It would be absurd for anyone to expect more from him."

"Ah, yes, my boy, but there is a big difference between knowing that, and hoping for it anyway," Dumbledore said knowingly.

Harry slump forward and covered his face in shame, knowing that there was no use in denying it to his Headmaster anymore. "I've fallen for him, professor. I fought my feelings, really, I did! I tried so hard not to be attracted to him..." Harry began to shudder with dry sobs.

HPSSHPSSHPSS

**A:**Harry and Dumbledore's conversation will continue in chapter 2! I am hoping to have it uploaded in about a week or so, but it does need some tweaking and my job keeps me Very Busy.

**HP:** Oh, please hurry. I really want to know how the conversation will end!

**A:**I'll do my best!

**SS:** Blasted writer, will I have any shred of dignity in this story?

**A:** But of course Severus. You are adored by this author and this story's readers!

**APWBD:** My dear boy, you are very much loved by many, even if you refuse to see it. [eyes twinkling]

**HP:** [blushes]

**SS:** [scowls] Don't. Change. The subject. I am not weak and do not wear my heart on my sleeve. I do not appreciate my only appearance thus far in this story is that of a weak and pathetic crybaby.

**A:** Don't worry Severus. You will appear in Chapter 3 and I think you will be very pleased by how you are portrayed. [eyes twinkling]

**SS:**We'll see. [glares]

**HP:**Will we have a happy ending?

**A:** You will just have to stay tuned to find out! [winks] Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

"**Don't Leave Me" **

**Reviewers** **for** **Ch.1:** Thank you sooooo much! I have been on cloud nine! Sherbet lemons for everyone! **SlytherinHawkins105,****BLAYNK,****animegirl03,****thunderbird0106,****Silverwolf407:** Thank you! **Nakaharra****Sunako:**Thank you for your review! Hee hee. Yes, my Dumbledore is a meddler and that's how I like him. I think of him as a well-meaning grandfather-figure who is extremely intuitive and observant and therefore is equipped to help people with their problems. He just wants "his boys" to be happy. **LIGHTNSHADOWS:** Thank you! Yes, indeed! **Silverwolf407:** Thank you! Your review gave me the biggest smile & giggle. Here's a chocolate frog for you!

**Summary:** Harry is completing his 7th year and is asked by Dumbledore to return to Hogwarts next year to teach. But Harry cannot bear the thought of being around The-Man-Who-Detests-Potter any longer. Does Severus really hate Harry? Will Harry confess his love for Severus?

**Warnings:** HPSS, Preslash, Slash, AU, language. Don't like, don't read! Oh, Dumbledore is a meddling and pushy coot – but his heart's in the right place. And yes, I admit, I like to make my characters cry. But don't worry, my stories _always_ have happy endings.

**Note:** this takes place during the end of Harry's 7th year. The events of Deathly Hallows and some events of Half-Blood Prince did not take place. Headmaster Albus Dumbledore is alive. There was a final battle and Voldemort was destroyed earlier during 7th year. During 7th year, Prof. Snape taught Potions and Prof. Lupin taught DADA.

**Dear** **Readers:** Many thanks to you if you read & review. Comments helpful are so welcome, but please don't be shrew, for at writing I'm new!

**Previously in "Don't Leave Me" Chapter One…**

Harry slump forward and covered his face in shame, knowing that there was no use in denying it to his Headmaster anymore. "I've fallen for him, professor. I fought my feelings, really, I did! I tried so hard not to be attracted to him..." Harry began to shudder with dry sobs.

**Chapter Two **

Dumbledore stood up, came around his desk, pulled up a chair next to Harry's, sat down, and rubbed his back comfortingly. "There, there, it's not so bad. There's nothing wrong with how you feel."

"Yes, it is," Harry insisted, still hiding his face and fighting tears.

"Not at all, my dear boy. There is nothing wrong with having caring feelings, love, or attraction. Why does it bother you so? Why do you think it's wrong?"

"Well, first of all, he's my professor. He's the same age as my parents. And I can't bear to imagine how my friends would react, especially Ron."

"Oh, my boy, that's no reason to fret! While there are rules against student-teacher relationships, there's nothing wrong with having feelings. And he will only be your professor for two more weeks! You are both adults and the age gap between the two of you is not considered abnormal in the wizarding world. Lastly, you have very good friends, Harry. I'm sure that even if they are shocked at first, eventually they'll come around and support you. So again, Harry, there's nothing wrong with how you feel."

Harry sat up, calmer but still visibly upset. "I appreciate that, professor. But still, given the choice, I would rather not have these feelings. He couldn't possibly feel the same for me, so what's the use? They will only give me heartache. I can _live_ without him returning my feelings, but it still hurts."

Dumbledore sighed. "Ah, feelings, that which gives us the ecstasies and agonies of life… Don't wish away your feelings, they are what make you, you. And Harry, you are a strong person with a good heart. You will be fine and things will work out one way or another, I am sure of it. You will have a happy life." Dumbledore smiled at Harry reassuringly, who gave a small smile in return. Dumbledore continued, "Harry, I hope you don't mind me asking, but how exactly do you feel for Professor Snape? Is it merely infatuation or you truly care for and respect him?"

Harry took a deep breath. "I care about him so much it hurts. The last two years I was so worried about him. The war was heating up and his spying was becoming more dangerous. I was so worried that Voldemort would suspect his loyalties and kill him. He's done so much for me, for us. He's done more than I'll ever know… I'm sure I'll never know just how many times he's looked out for me, protected me, saved me, and I'll never know just how much danger he put himself though. I am awe, professor… He is, without a doubt, the bravest and most loyal man I know. It means a lot to me that he's done all of this, in spite of his personal feelings towards my dad and I. But it's more than just respect and gratefulness that I feel. I… It's so hard to put in words because I never felt like this for anyone. It feels like my heart will burst. And it's confusing to have such high regard for someone who can't stand me. To be attracted to someone who's unfair and cruel to me. But I can't help it. His voice, his eyes, his hands… there's so much about him that just… makes me weak." Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I would do anything for him." Harry fell silent.

Dumbledore smiled. "I think Severus is very lucky to have someone who cares about him so. He is… Well… Let me just say that the two of you are a lot alike… and that you are quite perceptive... I imagine that while there's a lot you don't know, you understand him better than most, for the simple fact that you are willing to look beyond the surface and not just settle for what you want to see. Of course, he is a very private man. It is not easy to get to know him."

Dumbledore paused to pull out a tin of sherbet lemons, offering them to Harry, who declined, and taking one for himself. "Harry, when did this start? When did you first start to notice your changing feelings and perceptions of him?"

"My fifth year."

"And have you treated him any different since then than you had before that?"

"Um, no sir, not really… I suppose that my treatment of him is more of a reaction to, or anticipation of, his treatment of me."

"Hmmm… so it would likely come as a shock to him that your thoughts and feelings had changed, would it not?" Dumbledore asked, with a tone that suggested that there was a lot more to what he was saying. "I mean, it _appears_ as though you have strong adversarial feelings towards him, when the reality is something else entirely."

Harry sat up, clueing in to Dumbledore's insinuations and feeling a calm and hope wash over him. "Sir, do you mean to suggest that while it _appears_ as though he hates me, the truth may be that he _doesn__'__t_?"

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "My boy, I can't presume to know what is going on in Severus's mind or heart."

"What should I do?"

"What do you want to do?"

"I really want to teach here, sir. But only if Professor Snape can treat me as he does any other staff member. If he can do that much, I'll be fine. As much as I want to return here and teach, I know my heart, and I know that it would be unbearable for me otherwise."

"I understand, Harry."

"But sir, how do know…? Should I talk to him?"

"Trust your heart, Harry. I'm sure you'll do the right thing."

"Thank you professor."

They said their goodbyes and Harry left Dumbledore's office. He was lost in thought as he walked down the staircase and through the halls. _Dumbledore_ _suggested_ _that_ _Snape_ _doesn__'__t_ hate _me,_ _however_ _that_ _doesn__'__t_ _mean_ _that_ _he_ likes _me._ _OK,_ _so_ _now_ _what?_ _All_ _I_ _really_ need _to_ _know_ _is,_ _can_ _he_ _treat_ _me_ _like_ _the_ _rest_ _of_ _the_ _staff_ _next_ _year?_ _But_ _how_ _do_ _I_ _ask_ _him?_

As Harry headed arrived at the Gryffindor common room, he had it. He knew exactly what he was going to do. He had an idea for a way to test whether or not Snape really hates him and whether he might be willing to be civil towards him next year. And if that goes well, he'll talk to him.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

**author****'****s****note:** I'm so super excited about the positive reviews for chapter 1 so I decided to upload chapter 3 as well!

**HP:** [whew] This chapter has a happier finish than the last! I was a bit worried there.

**APWBD:** [eyes twinkling] I knew it would work out fine.

**SS:** [snort] You would. I'm ready for chapter 3. This dunderhead of an author better not disappoint. There better not be a single tear from my eyes.

**A:** No tears from you in Chapter 3 – _that_ I can promise, Severus. [smiles]


	3. Chapter 3

"**Don't Leave Me" **

**Summary:** Harry is completing his 7th year and is asked by Dumbledore to return to Hogwarts next year to teach. But Harry cannot bear the thought of being around The-Man-Who-Detests-Potter any longer. Does Severus really hate Harry? Will Harry confess his love for Severus?

**Warnings:** HPSS, Preslash, Slash, AU, language. Don't like, don't read! Oh, Dumbledore is a meddling and pushy coot – but his heart's in the right place And yes, I admit, I like to make my characters cry. But don't worry, my stories _always_ have happy endings.

**Note:** this takes place during the end of Harry's 7th year. The events of Deathly Hallows and some events of Half-Blood Prince did not take place. Headmaster Albus Dumbledore is alive. There was a final battle and Voldemort was destroyed earlier during 7th year. During 7th year, Prof. Snape taught Potions and Prof. Lupin taught DADA.

**Dear****Readers:** Many thanks to you if you read & review. Comments helpful are so welcome, but please don't be shrew, for at writing I'm new!

**Chapter Three**

THE FOLLOWING MONDAY, in the Potions classroom

Severus sat at his desk, waiting impatiently while the seventh year students turned in their Potions finals. He was anxious to retreat to his quarters for a glass of Moscato and a nap. _Finally,_ _Potter_ _is_ _gone_ _from_ _my_ _life!_ _Well,_ _nearly__…_ _but_ _it_ _should_ _be_ _easy_ _enough_ _to_ _avoid_ _him_ _the_ _rest_ _of_ _the_ _week._ _And_ _then,_ _out_ _of_ _sight,_ _out_ _of_ _mind!_ _I_ _will_ _be_ _able_ _to_ _move_ _on_ _with_ _my_ _life!_

He fussed over arranging the vials of potions and stacks of essays. _Why_ _must_ _these_ _dunderheads_ _make_ _such_ _a_ _mess_ _of_ _my_ _desk_ _when_ _they_ _turn_ _in_ _their_ _work?_ Noticing that it was quiet – _finally!_ – Severus looked up and saw that Harry Bloody Potter still remained. _Agh!_ _Why_ _is_ _that_ _brat_ _still_ _here?_ _And_ _why_ _must_ _he_ _do_ _that_ _with_ _his_ _lip?_

Harry stood there nervously, shifting his weight uneasily and alternately licking and biting his lips.

"Potter." Snape glared. "Why aren't you with your friends? Presumably you have finished your finals for the day, so you should be either outside or in your common room, celebrating the near-end of your final year, studying for tomorrow,… or…," Snape raised an eyebrow, "commiserating over the terrible grades you expect on your exams."

"I know, sir, and I will," Harry said in a rush. "But I was hoping to talk to you about something."

"Make it quick, Potter, I have a lot to do."

"Professor Snape, sir, I just wanted to say… thank you. For everything. And I'm sorry… I know that I haven't thanked you properly enough, for everything you've done for me - for everyone - but I really do mean that. And, also, I have a lot to apologize for. I didn't always give you the benefit of the doubt, I have been disrespectful towards you, I didn't always appreciate you… And… even when I did start to see you in a new light, started to truly appreciate and respect you, I admit that I haven't shown that. Rather, I have continued to… well, act as though I hated you and disrespected you, when that is not at all the case. I don't hate you sir."

Severus sighed, looked down, and pinched the bridge of his nose, not knowing what to make of Harry's ramblings. _What_ _is_ _this?_ _Is_ _he_ _trying_ _to_ _flatter_ _me_ _thinking_ _that_ _I__'__ll_ _acquiesce_ _to_ _whatever_ _request_ _he_ _has_ _in_ _mind?_

"Potter, what's your point?"

"Just that… I just felt I needed to tell you that."

"Then you're done. You've told me. Now leave."

"But there's something else, sir. I mean, there's something I wanted to ask you about..." Harry suddenly stopped, beginning to feel twice as nervous as before. He darted his eyes and started to lick and bite his lips again.

"Well?" Severus asked impatiently, trying not to stare and become unglued at Harry's _insufferableness._

"It's my mother. I know you knew her, that you were good friends, and sir… I know that I shouldn't ask this of you-"

"Then don't."

"But sir, the only memory I have of her is hearing her scream my name as Voldemort killed her." Harry grew quiet, fighting tears. "Please don't think me weak, sir. I just need… one happy memory of her."

"Hasn't your precious godfather or your friendly werewolf shared enough stories of her with you? Couldn't the wolf give you a memory?"

"They've told me a little about her. But they were my father's friends, rather than hers. I can't close my eyes and picture her, think of her, remember her, just based on what they've said. I really want to see a memory. And Professor Lupin said that for several years you were her _best_ friend. I know it's a lot to ask- "

"Potter, you have no idea what you are asking. To ask me of a memory of your mother is to ask me for _my_ _own_ memories, Potter. _My_ memories. It's a bit _invasive_, don't you think?" Severus emphasized the last bit, reminding the brat of when he had viewed Severus's memories in the pensieve without permission.

Harry looked down in defeat, obviously remembering. "Professor Snape, I cannot apologize enough for what I did that night, and I wish I could take it back. But, sir, as wrong as it was for me to do that, it was then that I realized that you were right about my father all along, and I realized that I was wrong about you. That's when I stopped hating you."

Severus kept his face still but he was in shock. _Potter_ _is_ _admitting_ _that_ _he_ _was_ _wrong_ _and_ _acknowledging_ _I_ _was_ _right?_ _And_ _what_ _does_ _he_ _mean,_ _he__'__s_ _said_ _that_ _again__…_ _But_ _of_ _course_ _he_ _hates_ _me!_ _Doesn__'__t_ _he__…__?_ _Oh,_ _stop,_ _of_ _course_ _he_ _hates_ _me,_ _he__'__s_ _just_ _trying_ _to_ _get_ _me_ _to_ _agree_ _to_ _give_ _him_ _a_ _memory_ _of_ _Lily._

A sad sigh interrupted Severus's thoughts and then he heard Harry whisper almost inaudiably.

"All I can hear is her scream my name in pain. As he killed her. All I remember is hearing her die. I want one happy memory to replace that. I know she wouldn't want me to remember her that way…"

Severus sighed, torn. On one hand he wanted to draw the young man close to him, give him comfort in every way possible, and give him all the happy memories he had of Lily. On the other hand he wanted to shove him away. Ultimately he couldn't bear the thought of weakness and he was desperate to be rid of this Gryffindor who's made his life so difficult. _Maybe_ _if_ _I_ _give_ _him_ _one_ _memory_ _he__'__ll_ _go_ _and_ _leave_ _me_ _alone._ He groaned quietly. _And_ _how_ _can_ _I_ _say_ '_no__'_ _to_ _those_ _sad_ _green_ _eyes,_ _so_ _much_ _like_ _hers__…_ _Agh!_ _Pull_ _yourself_ _together!_ _Don__'__t_ _be_ _weak!_ He closed his eyes and made his decision.

"Potter. I remind you that what you are asking is… A LOT... ONE memory, Potter. ONE memory, ONE viewing. I don't do this for you. I do this because I think Lily would want this for you. Meet me in my office tomorrow night 8:30pm."

Harry, stunned, stood silently for a moment. And when the spell broke he began to stammer and ramble through his thanks. Severus groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering if he'll ever be able to get rid of the insufferable Gryffindor. The longer he hangs around, the more his heart (and other parts of his anatomy) aches for the young man, and Severus didn't know how much more he could take.

"GO Potter, NOW!"

Harry's lower lip quivered a bit before he turned around and made his way out of the classroom as quickly as he could. Halfway back to the Gryffindor common room he realized that he didn't get a chance to talk to Snape about the following year. But he decided that it was just as well. Snape seemed to be in a bad mood; perhaps tomorrow will be better. _But_ _he__'__s_ _giving_ _me_ _a_ _memory!_ _He_ _agreed_ _to_ _it_ _and_ _he_ _didn__'__t_ _have_ to_!_ Harry smiled to himself. All things considered, he thought it was going pretty well so far.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

**author****'****s** **note:** I'm trying to keep Severus in character as much as possible, even as his walls break down and he expresses his more vulnerable side. It was fun for me to try to not reveal his true feelings until the end of this chapter. [giggles]

**SS:** [glares] You didn't…

**A:** [blinks innocently] Did what?

**SS:** You share my _thoughts_? You talk about my… _anatomy_?

**A:** [grins] Oh, that… Why, yes, I did!

**SS:** [icy glare of death]

**AWPBD:** Sherbet lemon, anyone?

**HP:** Yes, please.

**A:** Thank you, sir. And sherbet lemons to all our lovely reviewers!

By the way, Chapter Four is nearly done but the next two or three chapters after that are going to require _quite_ _a_ _bit_ of work, so I don't know how quickly I'll be about to update. Luckily, once those are done, there shouldn't be too long of a wait because the final chapter(s) needs very little work. Yay! (And yes, reviews make me giggly, excited, and motivated to write!)


	4. Chapter 4

"**Don't Leave Me" **

**Summary:** Harry is completing his 7th year and is asked by Dumbledore to return to Hogwarts next year to teach. But Harry cannot bear the thought of being around The-Man-Who-Detests-Potter any longer. Does Severus really hate Harry? Will Harry confess his love for Severus?

**Warnings:** HPSS, Preslash, Slash, AU, language. Don't like, don't read!

**Note:** this takes place during the end of Harry's 7th year. Some of HBP and all of DH is ignored. Dumbledore is alive. There was a final battle and Voldemort was destroyed earlier during 7th year.

**akitosin**: Thank you! I'm trying real hard to be true to the characters so I appreciate your feedback! **NewBlueTrue**: Thank you! Yes, for awhile Harry's mood will improve but then both boys are in for a bit of a rollercoaster I'm afraid! I promise there will be a happy ending. : ) **Silverwolf407:** Thank you! [giggle] Now, _I_ wouldn't know, you'll have to ask Sev about the size of his, um, _snake_… : D But I can say with confidence that at the end of the story Sev has plans to share that knowledge with Harry later in the summer. [wiggle eyebrows & grins wickedly]

**Lovely** **readers:** Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, and tagging this story as a favorite and alert! Wow! I am humbled and delighted. (An understatement… Truthfully I get giggly and squirmy like a little kid!) I felt like baking, so pumpkin pasties for all and Happy Early Thanksgiving!

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

**Chapter Four**

TUESDAY, in the Great Hall

Throughout dinner Harry was very quiet and lost in his thoughts. He couldn't stop thinking about his professor and how much he wanted to kiss him and touch him. And he couldn't stop thinking about their scheduled meeting that night and wondering how their conversation would go. Harry tried not to dwell about how important it was – it would not only impact his occupation for the following year. The significance was much, much greater than that and that scared him a bit. He longed so desperately for friendship, for love. But if he could get civil indifference, he can live with that. Or can he? And what if Snape is not willing? Can he live with the rejection? Will he ever be able to forget the man and find love elsewhere? _But_ _surely_ _it__'__ll_ _be_ _ok._ _If_ _he_ _really_ _hated_ _me,_ _he_ _wouldn__'__t_ _have_ _agreed_ _to_ _sharing_ _a_ _memory!_

Harry tried not to stare at Professor Snape, but he couldn't help himself. Once, just once, while he wasn't looking directly at his professor, he thought he caught out of the corner of his eye Snape gazing at him wistfully. But as soon as he turned his head for a better look, Snape scowled and looked away. He kept hoping he would look at him again, but he was deep in conversation with Professor McGonagall and he didn't look too happy about it. Ron was clueless but Hermione noticed her friend's behavior right away. Over the last two and a half years she has noticed a difference in her friend. She's noticed how he would look at their potions professor, how he talked about him (especially when he defended him). She's had her suspicions but never prodded Harry. And now… there was something curious about Harry's smile.

After Harry, Ron, and Hermione finished dinner in the Great Hall, they headed back to the Gryffindor common room. Hermione and Ron talked about their plans for summer but Harry contributed very little to their conversation. He was very fidgety and seemed distracted.

Hermione could no longer tolerate her curiosity. "What's going on, Harry? Why are you nervous?"

"I'm going to see Professor Snape later tonight." He couldn't help but let a small smile grace his lips. _Yes_, _tonight__'__s_ _the_ _big_ _night_. _My_ _future_ _hinges_ _on_ _this._ _It__'__s_ _going_ _to_ _be_ _ok._ _It__'__s_ _gotta_ _be_ _ok!_

Ron gaped. "What? Why? Classes are over and we've already taken the Potions Exams, mate! You never have to see that greasy git again!" Ron chortled, not seeing Harry stiffen and smile fade.

Hermione bristled. "Show some respect, Ron. Professor Snape, however cold and harsh, is a brilliant Potions Master and quality Professor."

Ron scoffed. "Oh, come on, is anyone going to be sad to say goodbye to him?"

Hermione looked at Harry quickly. "Actually, Ron, while Potions wasn't my favorite class, nor he my favorite professor, I believe that I will miss him a bit. He does a wicked sense of humor, and I mean that in a good way. If you pay enough attention, you'll see that he doesn't always mean exactly what he says. It is like he's speaking another language. He doesn't speak literally. Sometimes he means the opposite of what he says and sometimes he says two things that contradict each other and you have to figure out which one he really means. For example, I bet you think he never hands out compliments."

"He doesn't!" Ron exclaimed.

"Actually, he does, he just veils them with a little insult, so it's not obvious that he's giving a compliment! It's as though he's afraid that complimenting would make him appear weak, or he's afraid that the student will let it go to their head."

As Harry listened to Hermione, a lightbulb went off. _Exactly!_ _Leave_ _it_ _to_ _Hermione_ _to_ _clearly_ _articulate_ _what_ _I__'__ve_ _been_ _suspecting_. _And_ _if_ _we_ _both_ _came_ _up_ _with_ _that_ _idea_ _independently_, _then_ _we_ _must_ _be_ _right!_ This thought warmed him. _If_ _this_ _is_ _true,_ _then_ _all_ _along_ _I_ _have_ _been_ _angry_ _or_ _hurt_ _by_ _things_ _Snape_ _said_ _simply_ _because_ _I_ _didn__'__t_ _understand_ _him!_

He cleared his throat. "I agree with Hermione. And you know Ron, he's really not that bad of a person. He's had a rough life, and that's caused him to close up and push everyone away from him."

Ron looked at Harry with incomprehension. "I don't understand why you defend him. He's harder on you than he is on anybody!"

"Yes, Ron, and he's had his reasons – some of them good, some of them bad. Yes, he has been unfair to me… but on the other hand, he has been one of the only people to _not_treat me special because I was The Boy Who Lived and quite honestly I needed that. And yes, he was hard on me, but it was necessary if I was going to be prepared to fight Voldemort. I didn't always recognize it at the time, but in many ways he has been _exactly_what I needed."

Hermione smiled knowingly at Harry and Harry smiled gratefully back.

Ron sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, mate. I just hated seeing him be mean to you. I don't mean to insult him; me insulting him is my way of defending you, if that makes any sense."

"It does make sense and I appreciate it, but I've been trying to tell you this about Snape for over two years now. Can you give it a rest?"

"Sure, Harry. ...Uh, so… why _are_ you going to see him?"

"He's going to let me see one of his memories of my mom." Harry smiled again. _It_ _has_ _to_ _be,_ _it_ _just_ _has_ _to_ _be..._ _Surely_ _he_ _wouldn__'__t_ _have_ _said_ _yes_ _otherwise._ _He_ _didn__'__t_ _have_ _to_ _say_ _yes!_

Both friends widen their eyes in shock. Hermione gasped. "Oh, Harry! Really?" She was visibly impressed. "That is a really _really_ big deal! I can't believe he's doing that for you! To share a memory like that is very personal!" She smiled happily at Harry, knowing that this had to mean a great deal to him.

Ron gaped, still clearly in shock. "That's great, Harry. That's… real… nice of him. I know you don't have any memories of her, besides… Well, now you'll have a happy memory, right? Even if it's Snape's memory, not yours, but still… that's really nice. I'm happy for you, mate." Ron smiled genuinely at his friend and patted him on his back.

The friends talked happily about the summer for a few more minutes until Harry realized that it was nearly 8:30pm.

Harry walked through the halls towards the dungeons. He never noticed the students and ghosts he passed by as he was lost in his thoughts. _He_ _doesn__'__t_ _hate_ _me._ _I_ _know_ _he_ _mustn__'__t_ _hate_ _me._ _Otherwise_ _he_ _wouldn__'__t_ _agree_ _to_ _this!_ _He__'__s_ _under_ _no_ _obligation._ _Doing_ _this_ _for_ _my_ _mother?_ _No,_ _I_ _don__'__t_ _believe_ _that_. _Well_, _if_ _he_ _is,_ _I_ _don__'__t_ _think_ _that__'__s_ _the_ _only_ _reason._ _If_ _he_ _really_ _hated_ _me,_ _he_ _would_ _have_ _said_ _"__no__"__!_

Harry arrived at the door to Prof Snape's office and knocked.

"Enter," a velvety voice replied.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

**HG:** How exciting! We're in the story too! [nudges Ron] Come on Ron, don't be rude. Say something.

**RW:** [mouth full of cauldron cake] Um, thanks for including us!

**A:** Of course! I'm glad to have you here. [smiles]

**HG:** [rolls eyes and whispers] Really, Ron, you could have swallowed first.

**RW:** [swallows and clears throat] So what's next in the story? Does Harry visit the greasy g – ow! – I mean, Prof Snape? [rubs arm and scowls at Hermione]

**A:** Yes. In the next chapter Harry will go to Prof Snape's office, he'll use the pensieve, and then they'll have a conversation.

**HG:** A conversation about…?

**A:** All I will tell you is, it has to do with next year. If you want more details, you'll need to ask Harry yourself. [casts charm so Hermione & Ron can't hear the next part] Lovely readers, yes, the conversation you've been waiting for! Harry will talk with his Prof about next year and whether he will be able to treat Harry just as he would the rest of the staff. Hmmm…? How will it go? In chapter seven we'll see Severus in Dumbledore's office. Oh my. Is this the conversation that gets Severus so upset? Why is he hurting? Poor Sev! (Don't worry lovely readers, there will be a happy ending in the very end, it'll just be a bit (or a lot) angsty until we get there. But it'll be worth it!)

Chapters 5-7 need considerable work, but the rest of the story after that is nearly done. Chapter 5 will be longer than this one. It may take longer than a week. I apologize for the wait, but I'll try to make it worth it!

Please review, thank you much! When you stop by my writing desk to drop off a review, please help yourself to a cauldron cake or sugar quill. : )


	5. Chapter 5 part 1

**Warnings:** HPSS, Preslash, Slash, AU, language. Don't like, don't read! Oh, Dumbledore is a meddling and pushy coot – but his heart's in the right place. And yes, I admit, I like to make my characters cry. But don't worry, my stories _always_ have happy endings.

**Summary** and **other notes** posted with ch.1-4. The current status of all my stories is posted on my profile page.

**Thank** **you's: ** Thank you to my lovely reviewers curlymustache, olciak123, silverwolf407, and SoulMore –t.y.u.i.t.y.u.i.! I appreciate your time and sweet words! Thank you to everyone who has tagged this story as a favorite or alert! Ch.5 Part 2 should get posted within a week and updates for the rest of the chapters should also not be more than a week between. Thank you for your patience in waiting for ch.5. This is one of the most pivotal chapters and one of the most difficult to write.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

**Chapter Five, Part One**

TUESDAY NIGHT, 8:30pm

Harry was equally nervous and excited as he made his way to the Potions classroom. His mind was racing, wondering what kind of memory Snape would give him, and trying to decide how to go about discussing next year. He was kicking himself. _Why_ _didn't_ _I_ _put_ _more_ _thought_ _into_ _this?_ _I_ _should_ _have_ _written_ _a_ _script_ _and_ _rehearsed_ _it._ _Maybe_ _then_ _I_ _wouldn't_ _be_ _so_ _nervous._ _Maybe_ _I_ _would_ _be_ _less_ _likely_ _to_ _screw_ _it_ _up!_ _…_ _Oh,_ _well,_ _it's_ _too_ _late_ _now! _

He reached the classroom and knocked on the door. "Enter" came the velvety voice that makes him melt. Harry started biting his lip as he opened the door and stepped into the classroom.

"In here," Snape called from his office. Harry stepped inside, biting and licking his lips from nervousness. Then he felt his palms start to sweat and his heart thud fast when he saw Snape stare at him piercingly.

_Why_ _must_ _he_ _do_ _that?_ Severus wondered, frustratingly. His lips burned with longing to possess Harry's mouth. He wanted to kiss the insufferable Gryffindor so thoroughly as to leave him speechless. Seeing his tongue flicker out was the worst. It made Severus grow hot and hard thinking about where he'd like that tongue to go; and where he wanted his own to go. He fought the urge to shift in his seat. Instead, he held himself still and erect in his chair, tried to keep his eyes on the young man's eyes and not his mouth, and started mentally listing potion ingredients from A to Z.

Harry stood still, waiting for his professor to say something. He grew even more nervous. _Why_ _is_ _he_ _staring_ _at_ _me_ _like_ _that?_ _Did_ _he_ _change_ _his_ _mind?_ He lowered his eyes to the floor. "Um… Professor… If you changed your mind, I –"

"You've got to promise me that you will not share this with anyone else," Snape interrupted.

Harry's eyes flew up.

Severus' throat and chest became tight when he saw Harry's eyes light up and the smile grace his lips. He's seen that quite a few times before but never directed towards him. It was then that he realized that he really didn't want Harry to leave after all. Yes, knowing that his feelings could never be returned was nearly unbearable, but… is it possible to see that look in his eyes again? Could he ever be the reason for his smile? Could _something_ positive ever exist between them? Anything at all? Was Harry truly honest when he said that he didn't hate him and that he respected him?

"I… I promise," Harry answered, interrupting his professor's thoughts. His voice was choked with emotion but he tried to hold it back, not wanting to be thought of as weak. "Sir, I… Thank you," he whispered. "I know that it was asking a lot of you and you didn't have to say yes." He lowered his eyes to the floor again, the stare of his professor making him feel shy.

"Here," his professor intoned silkily.

Harry looked up and then shyly reached across the desk to take the vial from his professor's hand, fingers brushing against his. He tried not to react, but the brush of their fingers was absolutely electric. He savored the memory of their touch, the heat still in his fingers as he pulled his hand back. And then he stared at the vial. It was larger and more full than he expected. _This_ _is_ _one_ _memory? _

"Go to the classroom. You'll find the Headmaster's Pensieve on one of the desks. When you are done, leave. I have essays to mark so don't disturb me. And… take the vial with you. You… may keep it."

Harry looked up in shock, his eyes becoming glassy. _Did_ _I_ _hear_ _right?_ _Did_ _he_ _really_ _say_ _'keep_ _it'? ! _"Sir…? Do you really mean– "

"Potter, I don't have time for your sentimental drivel. I have essays to mark. Go."

Harry tried not to feel hurt by that. _He's_ _not_ _comfortable_ _with_ _the_ _expression_ _of_ _feelings._ _Let_ _it_ _go._ _What_ _matters_ _is_ _that_ _he_ did _give_ _me_ _a_ _memory_ _and_ _he's_ _letting_ _me_ _keep_ _it!_ _He's_ _letting_ _me_ _keep_ _it!_ _Merlin!_ _But_ _why? !_ _He_ _made_ _such_ _a_ _fuss_ _over_ _his_ _memories_ _being_ his own _and_ _how_ _personal_ _they_ _were._ _He_ _emphasized_ _that_ _it_ _would_ _be_ _one_ _memory,_ _and_ _one_ _viewing._ _Why_ _is_ _he_ _letting_ _me_ _keep_ _it? ! _Harry smiled. "Okay, I'll go. Thank you, sir."

Severus hated pushing the boy out, but he didn't think he could bear looking at that beautiful face and damnable green eyes any longer. _He's_ _going_ _to_ _leave._ _It's_ _for_ _the_ _best._ _And_ _better_ _to_ _get_ _him_ _out_ _of_ _the_ _office_ _before_ _he_ _realizes_ _that_ _the_ _vial_ _is_ _more_ _than_ _one_ _memory's_ _worth._ _His_ _reaction_ _was_ _bad_ _enough_ _when_ _I_ _told_ _him_ _to_ _keep_ _the_ _vial._ _He_ _looked_ _like_ _he_ _was_ _about_ _to_ _cry._ _No,_ _better_ _to_ _push_ _him_ _out._ _The_ _last_ _thing_ _I_ _can_ _handle_ _right_ _now_ _is_ _him_ _crying._

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

HP: [grins] This is going well so far!

SS: [glares] My thoughts and… bodily responses are no one's business!

A: Don't fret, Sev, it makes you more human and all the more endearing to us.

SS: [icy glare of death]

Lovely readers, please please review! Reviews feed my muses ;) I hope to get ch.5 part 2 up within a week. Ch.6 and 7 should get posted soon after that.


	6. Chapter 5 part 2

**Warnings:** HPSS, Preslash, Slash, AU, language. Don't like, don't read! I like to make my characters cry, but my stories _always_ have happy endings.

**Summary** and **other notes** posted with ch.1-4. The current status of all my stories is posted on my profile page.

**Thank** **you's: ** Thank you to my lovely reviewers **joytiger**, **Silverwolf407**, and **kagome328**! Your sweet words put a big smile on my face and made me do a happy dance. Thanks Silverwolf407 for giving me a grin and laugh. Thank you to everyone who has tagged this story as a favorite or alert. I plan on posting Ch.6 within a week. Thank you for your patience in waiting for this chapter. This was one of the most pivotal chapters and one of the most difficult to write. It's also the longest (enjoy!)

**Please** **read** **and** **review.** **Reviews** **are** **like** **food** **for** **my** **soul** **and** **my** **muse!** **:** **)** **Honeydukes** **chocolate** **for** **all** **my** **readers** (You'll need a "pick me up" after the angst!)** and** **a** **bonus** – **sugar** **quills!** – **for** **my** **reviewers.** **Enjoy!**

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

**Chapter Five,** **Part** **Two**

TUESDAY NIGHT, a little after 8:30pm

The Potions Professor had final essays to mark but he was lost in thought. He regretfully thought about how wrong his first impressions of the boy were, remembered how his feelings changed for him slowly over time, and smiled as he reflected on how the boy he once detested grew up to be a man he was proud of and cared for. _Few_ _are_ _as_ _loyal_ _and_ _brave_ _as_ _he. To_ _the_ _point_ _of_ _being_ _impulsive_ _and_ _reckless_, he thought as he smiled wryly. _Finally_ _became_ _competent_ _in_ _Potions._ _Generous_ _and_ _caring_ –_ almost_ _to_ _a_ _fault._ _He_ _really_ _has_ _become_ _quite_ _a_ _man._ _Anyone_ _who_ _can_ _call_ _him_ _their_ _friend_ _is_ _lucky_ _indeed._ _And_ _one_ _day_ _he'll_ _make_ _a_ _young_ _lady_ _a_ _very_ _happy_ _wife_. …_ Or_ _a_ _young_ _man_ _a_ _very_ _happy_ _husband_. He frowned. That beautiful young man would soon be gone from his life. He was relieved because he knew there was no way that Harry could ever care for him and he didn't think that he could get over him if he continued to see him regularly. On the other hand, he would miss him. _Could_ _I_ _bear_ _to_ _see_ _him,_ _knowing_ _I'll_ _never_ _be_ _able_ _to_ _call_ _him_ _mine?_ _Could_ _I_ _bear_ _to_ _see_ _him,_ _even_ _if_ _I_ _can't_ _bring_ _a_ _smile_ _to_ _his_ _lips?_ _Could_ _I_ _be_ _satisfied_ _with_ _friendship?_ _Would_ _he_ _even_ want _to_ _be_ _friends_ _with_ _me?_ _After_ _the_ _way_ _I've_ _treated_ _him_ _all_ _these_ _years_ _I_ _wouldn't_ _blame_ _him_ _if_ _he_ _didn't_. Severus sighed. It was hard to stop thinking about that insufferable Gryffindor who wormed his way into his once-cold heart, but he really needed to finish those essays. _Stop_ _daydreaming_ _like_ _a_ _love_-_sick_ _teenager_, he chastised himself.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

After Severus finished marking essays he checked the time. _He_ _should_ _be_ _done_ _and_ _gone_ _by_ _now_. He exited the office, planning to retrieve Albus' Pensieve from the classroom. Upon entering the cold room he heard a soft sob. Huddled on the floor was Harry. Severus was uncomfortable with such displays of raw emotion and wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't just leave him there.

"Potter, I didn't give you the memories so that you could sully my classroom floor with your tears."

Harry continued weeping, not looking up. "Damnit, Potter, why are you crying? You asked for a happy memory and that's what I gave you. You're not supposed to cry!" Harry sniffled and hiccupped as he tried to compose himself. Severus rolled his eyes and conjured a handkerchief. "Here. Dry your face."

"I… I… I thought… You said you would let me see _one_. And see it _once. _And… I was happy enough with that! Surprised you even agreed to that! B- But you… you gave me so many! And to keep? ! And yes, they are happy. I'm sad that I'll never really know my mom. Sad that I can't feel her hugs. But happy. So happy to see her and hear her when she was alive and happy. And now I can think of and remember her in that way! I…" Harry broke down with a rack of hiccups and sniffles. "I know you must despise me for being weak, but I'm not like this all the time! I'm just… really overwhelmed right now. I… I can't thank you enough! I... just don't have the words to thank you. To thank you for giving me my mom!"

Harry sniffled, dried his face with the handkerchief, stood up, and before Severus could comprehend what was happening, Harry stumbled towards him, wrapping his arms around his professor in a hug. Severus was startled, shocked, uncomfortable, angry, and… deliriously happy. "Thank you thank you thank you thank you…" Harry spoke softly into his chest, pulling him a little tighter.

"P– Potter, what the hell are you doing? !" Severus sputtered, when he finally found his voice.

"I'm sorry, Professor. I just… I just need to thank you."

"Two simple words would have been enough, Potter."

"No sir, words are not enough to express how I feel."

Severus caught himself holding his breath. He was not emotionally and physically demonstrative. It had been years since he had hugged or was hugged by someone. The sensations and the situation were both uncomfortable and pleasant. "Potter, I don't hug."

"Liar. You hugged my mom."

"That was a lifetime ago and she was my best friend."

"And I'm her son. Just this once. Put your arms around me and relax. I promise I won't tell anyone and I promise this is less painful than the Cruciatus curse." He laughed softly.

Severus tried to make sense of and rein in his emotions. He didn't know how to react – whether to push Harry away or to hug him back. But a nagging thought – what would Lily have him do? – made his decision clear. He took a deep breath and then did something that was even harder than being a spy. He put his arms around Harry and hugged him back.

He sighed deeply and tried to relax. He admitted to himself it felt nice. Rather nice. He didn't want to admit that really it felt absolutely wonderful. He hadn't realized how much he had missed hugs.

"Isn't it nice?" Harry asked.

Severus cleared his throat. "It's tolerable."

_Snapish_ _for_ _enjoyable_. Harry laughed inside.

They stood still for a minute, both hearts beating wildly and both minds lost in similar thoughts. Severus tightened his arms around the young man but didn't catch himself doing so until it was too late. _It's nice, don't fight it. Get it while you can. When will you get another one?_

Harry broke the silence. "Thank you. Thank you for everything. For everything you've done for me all these years, for memories of my mother. And…" Harry continued the rest in a whisper. "Thank you for letting me hug you. And hugging me back."

Severus enjoyed the hug immensely but was still uncomfortable. It was a long hug, he wasn't sure who was supposed to let go first, and when, and his nervousness was outweighing his enjoyment. "Potter, how long do your hugs usually last?"

"It depends. Depends on the occasion and who it is with."

"I hardly think a simple thank you would warrant a hug as long as this, much less with the greasy bat of the dungeons."

"I hope you don't mind, but I'm not quite ready to let go."

"Why?" Harry didn't answer; he just sighed softly.

Severus squeezed his eyes shut. "This has gone on long enough." _Not_ _long_ _enough_. Severus released his hold on the Gryffindor, and took a step back.

"Sir, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." _Depends_ _on_ _how_ _you_ _define_ _it_.

"Was it so terrible, to be hugged by me?"

"It was… nostalgic." _Nostalgic? !_

Harry smiled softly. "Thank you. Again. For everything."

"You've thanked me enough. You're done. Now leave." _Good_ _grief,_ _I_ _think_ _I've_ _received_ _more_ _thanks_ _from_ _him_ _tonight_ _than_ _I_ _have_ _from_ _everyone_ _else_ _in_ _my_ _entire_ _life._

"So anxious to be rid of me? Am I really that awful?" teased Harry.

"Potter, I would be lying if I denied how _difficult_ you've made my life. So yes, I am _relieved_ that you are graduating and will be out of my life."

"I suppose you really do hate me then?"

"I don't hate you."

"You don't? You really don't?!" asked Harry, blinking his eyes.

"That's what I said," Severus answered flatly.

"But you're glad I'll be out of your life?" Harry cocked his head to the side and scrunched his brow.

Severus closed his eyes. "You're just… insufferable," he explained. _You_ _and_ _your_ _cute_ _puppy_ _dog_ _expressions_… _Oh,_ _no_… _I_ _did_ not_ just_ _think_ _the_ _word_ _"cute"!_

"But I don't understand. You've said that before and when I hear it, it sounds to me like you hate me. So, what exactly do you mean?"

"It means that you… _frustrate_ me. You make life hard for me." Severus realized his choice of words and mentally groaned. _Oh_ _Merlin_ _why_ _did_ _I_ _have_ _to_ _use_ _words_ _with_ _so_ _obvious_ _a_ _double-meaning? _He took a breath. "Do you think it's easy to look after students who insist on wandering the castle at night, rushing headlong into danger?"

Harry laughed. "No, I don't suppose it was easy looking out for me! But if you don't hate me, then why have you _acted_ as though you hate me? And if you don't hate me then how _do_ – "

_No,_ _no,_ _no!_ "Potter… I've had my reasons." _Don't_ _ask_ _me_ _how_ _I_ _really_ _feel_. _Don't_ _ask_ _don't_ _ask_ _don't_ _ask!_ He quickly decided to give a half-truth that should be good enough to answer his question. "Why have I been so hard on you and acted as though I hated you? Think about it! If you were ever going to be able to defeat the Dark Lord, someone had to push you so you would have what it would take. And how would it look to the Dark Lord and the Death-eaters had I been kind to you? It was for your own good that I was cruel." _That's_ _only_ _part_ _of_ _the_ _reason_ – _but_ _I_ _can't_ _tell_ _him_ _that._

"But, sir, Voldemort is gone now, so there's no reason to– "

_Shite_, Severus cursed mentally. "Potter, can you honestly say that this past spring I have treated you any differently than the other students? Don't be so self-centered. You're not the only student I insult. You're a student. Therefore I treat you as a student, no better than any other."

"Okay, then when I'm no longer your student, do you think we could call a truce and be civil with one another?"

"Potter, you're graduating and are off to become an auror while I will remain here at Hogwarts. I don't expect our paths to cross."

"Actually, sir, you haven't exactly gotten rid of me for good."

There was a moment of stunned silence. "What do you mean?" Severus asked dangerously.

"Dumbledore offered me a position to co-teach Defense."

Severus' eyes narrowed. "AND…? Are you going to accept?"

"Actually, that depends on you."

"Well, in that case, Potter, you know what to tell the Headmaster. I don't approve of a mere child fresh out of school teaching… and I don't approve of brats who flaunt their rule-breaking becoming teachers, when it's a professor's job to enforce the rules. Just because you managed to teach your classmates advanced defensive skills years above their level does not mean you should accept Dumbledore's offer."

The old Harry would have argued but he bit back the temptation because he didn't want the antagonism between them to continue, and also because he recognized how the insult was veiling a compliment. If Snape _really_ wanted to insult him, he could have done a _much_ better job.

"You're right. I am young and I have broken rules. I enjoyed teaching defensive spells to my classmates; in fact, that made me happier and more fulfilled than anything else I've done, even Quidditch. But you're right, that doesn't mean I'm prepared to teach. So… I'll do a crappy job and Dumbledore will fire me."

Severus was stunned. He expected Potter to argue. Now he didn't know what to say. "You said it depends on me…"

"Yes, Professor. If I'm going to teach here, it will only be with the confidence that we can be civil towards another. Treat me as you do every other staff member, stop insulting my father and godfather, and stop comparing me to them. I can no longer live with your cruelty."

Severus looked at him curiously. "Your decision rests on how _I_ _treat_ you. That's a strange way to make such an important decision. Your decision should depend on whether you _want_ to teach, feel confident to do an adequate job, and whether it is compatible with the goals and desires you have for your life. Why should it matter how I treat you?"

"Because it hurts," Harry said quietly.

"Grow up. Get over it. You can't expect everyone to fawn over you. That's just life. Some will treat you with kindness and others will not. So how I treat you should not matter."

"But it does matter," Harry whispered, looking down.

Severus didn't know what to do with that. And he honestly could not say how he would treat him. While he grew fond of him over the last two years and privately acknowledged that he's been unfair and blind, it was habit to verbally abuse his father and godfather and to insult him by comparing him to them. But more importantly, if his treatment of Harry were to change, Harry and others would wonder why. He needed to push him away; he needed to maintain his distance. He didn't want anyone to know that his feelings for Harry had changed. It was bad enough that Albus knew.

"Sir… ?" Harry tentatively asked, interrupting the professor from his thoughts.

Severus took a deep breath. "You can't control how people feel about you and how they treat you. If you base your career on only being around people who like you or treat you with kindness, you will have a hard time finding a job. You can't let that affect you. So why should it matter how I treat you?"

"It hurts."

Severus shook his head. "That's not a good enough answer. Get over it."

"I can't."

Severus looked away and muttered. "Weak." As soon as he said it he hated himself for it. The truth was, he was no different than Harry; deep down he was just as weak, and he knew it.

"Stop it! Please! I wish it didn't hurt. I wish it didn't matter. I'm not weak, it's just that…" Harry trailed off.

"What?" Severus demanded impatiently, looking back at Harry, trying not to cringe at the pain-filled eyes.

"It hurts because… because I want…" Harry took a deep breath. "I want us to be friends."

Harry looked down but not before Severus saw… something… in his eyes. _He's_ _lying_. _Or_ _hiding_ _something_. "You're lying," Severus stated.

Harry looked up to protest. "No, I'm not."

_There_ _it_ _was_ _again._ "Potter, don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying."

"Then you're hiding something, which is it?" Harry hesitated. _Ah_ _ha!_ _Guilty_.

"Please, Professor…" Harry started backing up.

"Tell me. You're lying or hiding something," Severus said dangerously as he stalked towards him.

"Please don't make me-" "What are you hiding?"

"-tell you. I'm not ready-" "What have you done?"

"-to tell you. You won't-" "Have you stolen from me? !"

"-believe me. I promise-" "Are you planning a prank? !"

"-I'll tell you later." "POTTER!"

Severus goaded Harry as he protested, chasing him around the classroom. Finally Severus had Harry cornered. "Tell me! What are you hiding?" he demanded, as Harry anxiously shuffled side to side trying to get out of the corner he was backed into and weakly pleaded "no, no, please don't make me!" Severus grabbed his shoulders and shook him. "Potter! You. Tell. Me. Now!"

"No, please, I'm not ready!"

"NOW!" Harry crumpled, losing the last of his resolve. "I'm in love with you," he weakly choked out.

Both fell to their knees, Harry weakened with the humiliation of confession and Severus weakened by shock and disbelief. Both breathed heavily and didn't look at the other. Severus released his hands quickly as though burned. Harry started sobbing shakily.

Severus was frozen to the spot. Never have those words been spoken to him. Never. He wished desperately that they were true, but couldn't believe it. _It's_ _impossible_. _Impossible_. He stood up on weak legs, turned around, and slowly walked away, trying to get a grip on himself. He refused to look at Potter. He was angry and deeply hurt. He hurt inside more from this than he ever did from the Cruciatus curse. _How_ _can_ _anyone_ _do_ _this_ _to_ _me?_ _And_ _Potter,_ _of_ _all_ _people?_ _!_ _Why_ _him?_ _!_ _WHY_ _HIM?_ _!_

"That's a lie," he finally said, with a flat tone. Harry continued to sob. "What kind of prank is this?"

"It's the truth! I love you. I'm not pranking you."

Severus shook his head. "Who put you up to this?"

"No one."

"Was it a bet? ! A dare? !"

"No! I swear I'm telling the truth!"

"Empty words. Anyone can say that they swear to something they don't mean. I'll ask again. _Who_ _else_ is part of this _prank_?"

"No one! Why won't you believe me?"

Harry dried away his tears with the half-used handkerchief. "Look at me! You're a Legilimens and I'm pants at Occlumency! Can't you look in my eyes and see what I'm telling you is the truth? ! You can even give me Veritaserum!"

Severus shook his head. _He's_ _bluffing_. _Or_ _found_ _a_ _way_ _around_ _it._ _Or_ _it's_ _part_ _of_ _the_ _prank._ _After_ _all,_ _why_ _would_ _I_ _bother_ _testing_ _Potter's_ _truthfulness_ _if_ _I_ _didn't_ _care_ _about_ _how_ _he_ _felt_. "Potter, I don't need to use Legilimency or Veritaserum to know that what you said is a lie. Not that it matters to me anyway. I am angry because I do not tolerate being lied to nor targeted for pranks."

"I'm not lying, sir. And this is not a prank. I really do have feelings for you."

"Impossible," Severus hissed.

Harry was silent for a moment. "I know. It is impossible. Just like when I thought there was no such thing as magic. I didn't find out until I was eleven! Do you know how shocked and dismayed I was when I first realized I had feelings for you? I didn't _choose_ to have feelings for you; it just happened. If anyone is playing a joke, then it's cupid playing a joke on the _both_ of us: for me to fall for someone who is so cruel to me, and you – has anyone ever loved you? It's insane that you should find someone who does, but he is the one person whom you can't stand the most."

Snape was silent so Harry continued. "I wasn't going to tell you. I knew I didn't have a chance with you. Just being friends with you seemed unlikely enough. I thought the best I could hope for would be for you to treat me as you do the rest of the staff. I could have lived with that." Harry sighed. "I'm not sure which is worse, you knowing the truth but not returning my feelings, or you hearing the truth from me but not believing me."

Harry stood up and slowly walked towards his professor. He stopped a few feet away.

Severus closed his eyes tight. "Go."

"Sir, please look at me."

"GET. OUT. I don't want to see you."

The frustration inside Harry reached its limit. "What's wrong with you? ! Why are you so stubborn? ! What are you afraid of? ! Why won't you give me a chance to prove to you that I'm not lying? ! Is this how you treat everyone who tells you they have feelings for you? ! Do you really think so low of yourself that it's impossible for anyone to love you? ! If you keep pushing people away, then how can you ever have love and happiness in your life? ! You _want_ to be miserable? Fine!" Harry yelled.

"ENOUGH! GET. OUT. NOW!" Severus slammed his fist on a nearby desk, making Harry jump in surprise.

Harry stared at the man's back in loathing, hating the man that he loved, and ran out of the classroom.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

Severus stood there silently, eyes still shut tight, for several minutes. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. He walked over to the Pensieve and saw that Potter had forgotten to put the memories back in the vial to take with him. He filled the vial, corked it, pocketed it, and picked up the Pensieve. He didn't trust to leave something so valuable in the classroom; his own quarters would be safer. The walk to his quarters seemed longer than usual. Finally he reached his sanctuary. The Pensieve was placed on a table in his sitting area. He would return it to Albus tomorrow. He undressed for bed. Only when he laid in bed, cocooned in soft sheets and warm blankets, head cradled by a fluffy pillow, and arms wrapped around a second pillow, did his walls come tumbling down. For the first time in many years, he cried himself to sleep.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

**HP**: That was depressing.

**SS**: That was atrocious.

**HG** and **RW**: Poor Harry.

**HG:** And I feel sorry for Prof. Snape, too.

**APWBD:** Don't worry, I'm sure in the end everything will be fine.

**A:** I can guarantee it!

Next chapter – what happens to Harry after he leaves the Potions classroom? Will he confide in his friends and will they be supportive?

BTW, I don't claim ownership of anything. I'm just having fun with these characters. I did not coin "Snapish" – I got that from another fanfic I read and loved the word. Also, the scene in which Snape goads Harry, grabs him, and they drop to their knees after Harry confesses – that was inspired by a scene in the movie Yentl. Excellent movie, by the way.

Please review! Thanks!


	7. Chapter 6

**Warnings:** HPSS, Preslash, Slash, AU, language. Don't like, don't read! I like to make my characters cry, but my stories _always_ have happy endings.

**Summary** and **other notes** posted with ch.1-4. The current status of all my stories is posted on my profile page. I'll be updating my profile again sometime during the week.

**Thank** **you's: ** Thank you to my lovely reviewers Silverwolf407, Belladonna1185, joytiger, sm1982, Rori Potter, and Daddys little crazy bitch! Your sweet words put a big smile on my face and made me do a happy dance! Silverwolf407 & Joytiger, yes, the self-doubts and the sadness they feel just about kills me, but I know they'll have a happy ending, so that gets me through it! The thunderstorms make the rainbows all the more beautiful.

Thank you to everyone who has tagged this story as a favorite or alert. I plan on posting Ch. 7 in a week. I really hope that I'll be able to post ch. 8 a week after that. But it's an important chapter and very difficult to write. Also, my college classes are starting up so I'll have less time to write. Teaching college is time-consuming work!

**Please** **read** **and** **review.** **Reviews** **are** **like** **food** **for** **my** **soul** **and** **my** **muse!** **:** **)** **Every** **flavor** **beans** **for** **all** **my** **readers** **and** **a** **bonus** – **sugar** **quills!** – **for** **my** **reviewers.** **Enjoy!**

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

**Chapter** **Six**

TUESDAY LATE NIGHT, sometime after 10pm

Ron and Hermione stayed in the common room, enjoying their visit and waiting up for Harry. He was taking longer than they expected. A lot longer. They were in the middle of debating whether they should look for him when Harry came through the portrait, face flushed and streaked with dried tears.

"Oh, Harry!" "Harry, are you ok?" Hermione and Ron cried out at once and rushed over to their friend. Harry took one look at his friends, closed his eyes, and shook his head. His friends were stunned. Earlier Harry was so happy and excited earlier, nervous too, but happy he was about to see a memory of his mom. What went wrong? Hermione gave him a long hug. Ron stood there watching and when Hermione released Harry from the hug, Ron gave him a pat on the back. "Anything we can do, mate?" Ron asked. "Do you want to sneak off to the Astronomy Tower or Room of Requirement?" Harry nodded.

Ron went up to the dorm room to grab the Marauder's Map and the invisibility cloak while Harry and Hermione waited in silence. When Ron returned they exited through the portrait hole, threw the cloak over them, and made their way to the Astronomy Tower.

The three sat down on the balcony. Ron broke the silence. "Harry, you know we're here for you no matter what. We have your back no matter what. You're like a brother to us. Whatever it is, it'll be ok, or we'll make it ok."

Hermione agreed. "Are you missing your mom? Was it upsetting to see the memory?"

After a minute of silence Harry finally spoke. "He… He gave me more than just one memory…" His friends' eyebrows rose in surprise. "He had said just one memory, one viewing. But he gave me a vial filled nearly to the cork and said it was mine to keep! It was probably an hour's worth of memories." At this Hermione smiled, impressed, while Ron gaped in shock.

"Were they happy memories?" Ron finally asked. "Yes, they were wonderful. It was more than I could have hoped for."

Hermione beamed. "Harry that's wonderful!" Harry nodded.

"So why were you crying?" Ron asked.

Harry sighed heavily. "Because I'm going to have to say 'no' and I really _really_ wanted to say 'yes.' And I didn't realize it was going to hurt this much to have to say 'no.' " He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead.

Hermione and Ron looked at each other and then at Harry in confusion. "That doesn't make sense, Harry. What are you talking about?" Hermione asked.

"I'm sorry, guys. It's a long story. Don't be upset, but I wasn't going to tell you until I had decided what my answer would be... Dumbledore offered me a job."

Hermione gasped. "A teaching position?!" Harry nodded.

Ron looked at Harry in awe. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Harry shrugged uncomfortably. "Dumbledore offered me an opportunity to share teaching responsibilities with Professor Lupin. And I wanted to say 'yes' and I wanted to tell ya'll right away.…" Harry faded off and closed his eyes tight again, tucking his head against his knees.

Hermione smiled "That's so perfect for you, even more than being an Auror! You did such a great job of teaching us in fifth year! Harry, whatever you're concerns are, they can be worked out. You really should say accept the offer if that's what you really want."

Ron agreed. "Definitely! And… oh, wait… You said you would tell him 'no'!" Why the heck would you tell Dumbledore 'no'?!" Ron demanded.

Harry sat quietly. "It's Professor Snape, isn't it." Hermione stated. "What happened?"

Ron scoffed. "What does Snape have to do with anything? Dumbledore asked Harry. Harry wants to do it. He'll be great at it. End of story. Harry, you should take the job! Snape doesn't matter."

"Ron…" Hermione warned him quietly, jabbing him with her elbow. "Whatever it is, I'm sure he has his reasons." She cleared her throat and spoke up. "Harry, you know we support you no matter what."

Harry nodded. "So… when did Dumbledore asked you, why didn't you tell us, and what does Snape have to do with this?"

Harry lifted his head. "Last Wednesday. I'm sorry guys, but I knew if I told you, you would expect me to take the job and I needed to make this decision on my own and for my own reasons. I didn't think you would understand. There's a lot I haven't told you. I _want_ to teach but…" he trailed off, lost in thought. His friends waited, fighting the urge to prod him. "But you know how hard Snape is on me…" They nodded. "I just didn't think I could handle it anymore. I thought maybe I could talk to him and see if he would agree to be civil towards me. I don't expect friendliness, just to be treated as he does any other member of the staff." Harry sighed sadly. "But… it's just not going to happen. So, I'm not going to fight it."

"Oh, Harry!" Hermione breathed softly, putting her arm around him in a hug. "I'm so sorry."

Ron tried to be sympathetic but couldn't understand Harry's reasoning. "I don't get it, mate. He's a git. That's just how he is. Can't you just avoid him? It's not like you have to take classes from him. You can sit on the opposite side of the faculty tables during meals. Why let the greasy git prevent you from accepting a job you want?!"

Harry didn't answer. Hermione sat in silence and then spoke carefully. "Harry… why does Professor Snape's treatment of you matter? And why do you think he won't be civil towards you?"

Harry avoided the first question. "We had a fight. I told him about the job, which he clearly wasn't happy about – and before you ask, I know, because he said as much. Something about how I don't have what it takes, even if I did manage to teach classmates defensive skills well beyond their year level, and how can a rule breaker enforce discipline. Anyway, we ended up fighting and I just don't see how… Look, I just want to graduate and have him out of my life and he feels the same way."

Hermione had smiled softly at the veiled compliment the professor gave Harry and wondered what they had fought about. She looked at Harry thoughtfully. "Did he tell you he wants you out of his life?"

Harry laughed. "Yeah, he did! He couldn't wait to get rid of me!"

Hermione looked skeptical. "Those were his exact words?"

"Hmm… Well, no, I think the word he used was 'relieved.' He was 'relieved' that I was leaving." Harry rolled his eyes. Hermione raised her eyebrows and nodded.

As irritating memories of the evening resurfaced, Harry started to get worked up. "Oh! And can you believe this? ! He said he didn't hate me. Yeah, whatever. Of course he does. But he said that he didn't _hate_ me, it's just that I'm _insufferable_." Harry mocked. "Which means that I _frustrate_ him. I make life _hard_ for him." Harry rolled his eyes yet again.

Ron snickered. "Talk about words with a double-meaning! Wouldn't it be funny if… Oh." Ron turned green. "Uh, no, I _don't_ want to think about Snape in _that_ way!"

Hermione and Harry looked at him curiously. "What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"Oh, come on, Harry! _You're_ a guy! Geez! You know… maybe he's frustrated in a… you know… sexual way. And maybe it's more than his life that's hard… you know!" Ron snickered again. Hermione groaned at the crude joke, which downed out Harry as he looked down and muttered "I wish."

The two friends then noticed Harry looking down. Ron felt embarrassed. "Um, Harry, I'm sorry if that joke bothered you or grossed you out…"

"No, Ron, it's fine, it's just…" Harry gave up. He didn't know how to respond. He kept his face down, afraid that he was blushing. His friends didn't know that he was gay, much less that he liked Snape. But how long was he going to keep this from his friends. Forever? Well, he knew he would come out to them eventually, but he never planned on telling them about Snape. Why? Because he was afraid they wouldn't understand? Didn't he trust his friends enough to support him? He knew it would take a long time to get over this hurt and he knew that he couldn't really confide in them completely over why the encounter was upsetting and why he was hurting… unless they knew.

Harry took a deep breath and looked up, face flushed. "Guys, there's something I gotta tell you. I like Snape." They stared. "Well, actually, it's more like… oh, fuck." He looked down and took several shaky breaths. _Just_ _do_ _it._ _Do_ _it_ _fast_, _like_ _you're_ _pulling_ _off_ _a_ _band-aid._ He looked up. "I'm gay. I'm attracted to Snape. I'm… I'm in love with him."

Hermione immediately busted out in a big grin. "Oh, Harry, I'm so glad you told us! You know we support you no matter what!" She tackled him in a crushing hug.

"Olphf! Hermione, I can't breathe!" Harry gasped.

"Oh, sorry!" She pulled away.

Harry looked at Ron's poker face and became uncomfortably nervous at his best mate's reaction. _Shite_, _I_ _was_ _worried_ _about_ _this._

"Harry, are you sure?" Ron asked.

Harry nodded. "Absolutely," he answered, attempting to keep his voice from breaking.

And then Ron shocked the hell out of Harry. Ron smiled and nodded. "Harry, don't ever doubt that you have my full support! Yeah, so I give the old bloke a hard time. And honestly, I don't know what you see in him, but then again, I didn't know what you saw in my sister a few years back!" Ron laughed. "Seriously, Harry, I'm sorry if I ever made you uncomfortable with all the Snape-trashing I've done. If you see something good in him, great. If he ever gets any sense knocked in him and recognizes what a great guy you are and loves you back, great. I want you to be happy. But if he hurts you, I've got _your_ back, not his."

Ron then turned to look at Hermione, who was smirking at him. "Gee, Hermione, must you look so smug? Fine, fine. You win. But the money's in my trunk, so I'll give it to you later."

Harry looked at his friends in confusion. "Uh, guys, what was that?"

Hermione and Ron just looked at each other again and started laughing. Ron finally settled down. "Don't be mad, mate, but Hermione and I sorta had a bet…" Harry's jaw dropped.

Hermione continued. "Oh Harry, it's not a big deal. Last year I had suspicions that you had a crush on Prof. Snape. Ron thought the idea was ridiculous, so I made a bet with him."

Harry shook his head; he was incredulous. "B- B- But what made you think I liked him? You didn't even know I liked blokes!"

Hermione gave him that knowing smile of hers. "I'm just really observant, Harry. I noticed how your feelings and opinions for him changed. I saw the way you looked at him, the expression in your face when you talked about him. And as for being gay, well I suspected that way back in fourth year when you had your first kiss with Cho! I mean, really, Harry? You describe your first kiss as 'wet'? It was obvious to me. But, Harry, don't feel uncomfortable about it. It's not a big deal! You preferring blokes over girls is no different than me preferring red-heads over brunettes." She blushed faintly at that last part, deliberately not looking at Ron.

Ron heard what she said, and tried to sneak a glance at her without being obvious.

Harry felt the heavy weight lifted off his shoulders. He was so glad he told his friends!

They stayed in the Tower a little longer. He gave them a very brief run-down on what had happened in the Potions classroom. It was a lot easier to talk about it, now that they knew what he was feeling. Hermione was suspicious about how Harry described the events and what Snape had said. She suspected that Harry's memory and/or interpretations were faulty, but she kept those thoughts to herself for the moment. She knew that what Harry needed right then was to vent. She smiled when Harry remembered and shared some of the happier moments, like how Snape hugged him back instead of pushing him away. Harry had to swear them to secrecy since he had promised the man he wouldn't tell anyone. He felt a bit guilty going back on his word, but it was too important of a moment not to share with his two bestest friends. Ron was still in shock that Harry would be attracted to Snape, but he wanted to support his friend and most importantly wanted his friend happy.

They returned to Gryffindor tower on a fairly high note. Even though it was a difficult evening for Harry, the trio were closer friends than ever before.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

**HP**: You're the best friends ever!

**HG & RW**: Aw!

**AWPBD**: Ah, yes. The love between friends is more magical than many give credit for!

**SS**: Yes, Albus, we all know your theories about how magical love and friendship are. [sighs] I find all these tears and angst to be rather exhaustive. Where's this happy ending the author has teased us about? And, by the way, I don't appreciate the last chapter ending with me crying myself to sleep. I'll have you know that I would never actually do that! When am I going to show up again, and _not_ be in tears or sappily sentimental?

**AN**: Um, well, you'll just have to wait and see, won't you? !

AN: Please write me a review! Since I don't get paid in money for writing, reading lovely reviews from my readers is the next best thing! : D Thank you!


	8. Chapter 7

**Warnings:** HPSS, Preslash, Slash, AU, language. Don't like, don't read! I like to make my characters cry, but my stories _always_ have happy endings.

**Summary** and **other notes** posted with ch.1-4. The current status of all my stories is posted on my profile page.

**Thank** **you's: ** Thank you to my lovely reviewers **Silverwolf407**, **JustPlainAmy**, **joytiger**, **peny. lane**, **Reader-anonymous**, **Rori Potter**, **Sarah**, **Lady** **DestinyHope**, **DTDY**, **Daddys little crazy bitch**, &** Jaspre**! Your sweet words, compliments, & enthusiasm put a big smile on my face and made me do a happy dance! **Jaspre**: Thank you! I'm glad you like my character's conversations at the end. : ) **Silverwolf407:** [Hee hee] Yes, a kiss might've saved both the young lovebirds some drama! But poor Sev, even when it's right under his nose (and it's big too!) (**SS:** "Hey! I heard that!") he just can't see it. So, even with a kiss I'm afraid that my Sev would find a way to doubt its meaning! YES! Chocolate and sugar makes everything better! BTW, re: HG & RW I wasn't originally planning on anything there, but sometimes the characters dictate _to_ _me_! LOL. So… quite honestly I'm not sure yet what will be in store for those two! Thank you for your review! **DTDY**: Thanks! Out of all endings for my chapters, that's one of my favorites. **Lady** **DestinyHope:** Yay, indeed – where would we be without friends? ! : ) **joytiger:** Thanks! I always imagine HG as supportive. RW – I can picture him on both extremes & everything in between. I decided to make him totally supportive, with just enough "I don't get it – it's _Snape_" to make it humorous. (**RW:** "Um… yeah, because it's Snape! Why not Cedric or Victor Krum? Even Malfoy is hot! But _Snape_… ?") **peny. lane: **Yes, poor Sev, he's a lonely guy, too afraid to let people in too close! But Albus is a good friend and will be there for him in the next chapter. : ) **Reader-anonymous:** It's a rollercoaster cause I love rollercoasters! : D They'll have a happy ending, though. Those two lovebirds will practically be bursting at the seams with happiness. And the way I see it, we appreciate the rainbows more because of the thunderstorms. : )

**Thank** **you** to everyone who has tagged this story as a favorite or alert. Wow – over 100 have it on alert and almost 50 tagged it as favorite? ! And more reviews for the last chapter than any other! [squeals & does a happy dance] I hope to post the next chapter in a week, but can't promise it. It's an important chapter and very difficult to finish up. Also, my college classes have started so I'll have less time to write. Teaching college is time-consuming work!

**Please** **read** **and** **review.** **Reviews** **are** **like** **food** **for** **my** **soul** **and** **my** **muse!** **:** **)** **Ice mice** **for** **all** **my** **readers** **and** **a** **bonus** – **chocolate covered cream puffs** – **for** **my** **reviewers.** **Enjoy!**

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

**Chapter** **Seven**

WEDNESDAY MORNING

"Wake up, Harry. Come on. It's time for breakfast."

Harry groaned and pulled the pillow over his head. "Go without me, Ron," he mumbled.

The redhead flipped back the quilt, grabbed the pillow away from Harry and tossed it to the foot of the bed. "Don't go back to sleep. Our Charms final is just after breakfast! You don't want to be late," Ron warned.

"Ok, ok, ok" Harry moaned. "Go on without me. I'll see you in Charms."

"You sure?" Ron asked skeptically.

"Yes, Ron."

"I'll bring some toast for you."

"Don't bother."

Ron looked at his friend and sighed. He wished there was something he could do for his friend. When Ron left the dorm, Harry pulled the quilt back over him, retrieved his pillow and held it tight, and fought against the pain in his chest. He stayed there in bed for awhile, quiet, unmoving, too spent from the tears the night before to cry again. He was also tired. He had woken up several times throughout the night remembering dreams in which a certain raven-haired man did deliciously wicked things to him, and then he'd lay awake restlessly trying to fall back asleep. Normally he enjoyed such dreams but after what happened the night before… those dreams were torturous. Then he remembered… he had forgotten the memories of his mom! They were still in the Pensieve when he left. An even deeper sadness welled inside him as he knew that he couldn't dare ask for them.

Not wanting to be late to his exam, he finally stumbled out of bed. He took a long shower with water so hot it reddened his skin. The unbearably hot water didn't completely distract him from the emptiness inside, but it temporarily numbed it a bit. After his shower he slowly got dressed and made his way towards the Charms classroom for the final examination. Harry arrived at the Charms classroom before anyone else. He was thankful to have the peace and quiet to himself.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

Ron and Hermione left breakfast a little early, thinking that if Harry wasn't in the classroom already that they would have time to retrieve him from the dorm.

"Harry, you're here!" Hermione exclaimed. "I was worried that you might still be in bed."

Ron set something wrapped in a napkin on Harry's desk. "I know you said not to bother, but I decided to bring you toast and bacon in case you changed your mind."

"I appreciate it, Ron. But I'm just not hungry."

Hermione looked carefully at her friend. "Prof. Snape wasn't at breakfast either." Harry shrugged. "I thought that was unusual," she continued. Harry sat quietly. "Don't you wonder why?" she asked.

"Hermione, I –" Harry was interrupted by the noise of their classmates trickling in.

"We'll talk later," Hermione whispered.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

EARLIER THAT MORNING, IN THE POTION'S MASTER'S QUARTERS

Severus woke up slowly, hovering in the transition between sleep and awake for quite some time. All night he had dreams of a certain green-eyed Gryffindor. Over and over he heard the sweet words from his lips, "I'm in love with you." He dreamt of soft kisses and long warm hugs. He dreamt of tender caresses and cuddling. The dreams were quite a departure from the dreams he usually had of the young man, and were he fully awake, he would have felt embarrassed and berated himself for being so soft. But in that hazy half-awake state, he was happy and enjoying the blissful dreams as they lingered.

And then the haziness cleared.

He realized that his arms and body were wrapped around a pillow, nothing more. He realized he was alone in his bed, the sweet voice he heard had come from his mind, and that the kisses and caresses were nothing but a dream. He felt utterly exhausted. He stumbled to the loo, relieved himself, and as he washed his hands his bleary eyes caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looked like shite. He sighed heavily at the puffy and darkened eyelids, red-lined eyes, and tear-stained cheeks. He knew not even a shower could wash away the all-consuming grief that was written all over his face. _What_ _if_ _he's_ _there?_ _But_ _of_ _course_ _he'll_ _be_ _there._ _He'll_ _be_ _sitting_ _with_ _his_ _friends,_ _laughing_ _at_ _me._ _I_ _can't_ _go._ _I_ _just_ _won't_ _go._ _I'm_ _not_ _hungry_ _for_ _breakfast_ _anyway._ Decision made, he took a long hot shower. The memories of the night before threatened to overwhelm him, but he shoved them away. _I_ _mustn't_ _be_ _weak._ _When_ _you're_ _weak,_ _you're_ _a_ _target,_ _and_ _people_ _can_ _hurt_ _you._ _I_ _must_ _be_ _strong._ _Potions._ _Think_ _of_ _potions._

After showering and dressing he spent the entire morning brewing potions. He had no plans to leave his quarters any time soon, at least not until he could control his emotions and demeanor, supplanting every trace of his weakness with the usual cold aloofness. _No_ _one_ _must_ _know!_ No one must know how tender he really is. If they know, they can hurt him. Better he be distant, even cruel. Then he can't be hurt. Deep down he knew he wasn't particularly happy and he longed for affection, but why hope for something he can't have? His mother didn't love him enough to protect him from his father, he didn't have any _true_ friends in school besides Lily, and no one ever showed a romantic interest in him. Why should anything change now?

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

LATE MORNING, IN THE CHARMS CLASSROOM

Harry tried his best on his exam, but it was difficult to not be distracted by the pain in his chest and memories of the night before playing in his head. When the examinations were over, Professor Flitwick called Harry over to his desk and handed him a note. "Professor Dumbledore asked me to give this to you," he explained. Harry thanked him and joined his two best friends at the door. He opened the note as they left the classroom.

**Harry,**

**Come** **by** **my** **office** **when** **you** **are** **finished** **with** **your** **Charms** **examination.**

**Professor** **Dumbledore**

**P.** **S.** **I** **like** **sugar** **quills.**

Harry sighed heavily. "I have to see Dumbledore. He probably wants to know if I'm going to accept the job offer."

His friends nodded sadly. "Catch up with us when you're done, okay? We'll either be by the lake or visiting Hagrid," said Ron.

"Sure, alright," replied Harry, to appease his friends, but deep down he didn't think he would be in the mood.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

"Harry, my boy, you got my note."

"Yes, Professor. You wanted to see me?"

Dumbledore gestured for him to take a seat. "Yes, I wanted to see if you had made a decision regarding the job offering I made you."

The Gryffindor took a deep breath before speaking. "I did, sir."

"And…?"

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to decline." Harry looked down at his hands and focused on keeping his voice steady.

Dumbledore looked at the young man carefully and detected a deep sadness. "I'm sorry to hear that, Harry." They both sat quietly for a few moments. Harry was just about to ask if he could leave when Dumbledore spoke up. "I was worried about you when I didn't see you at breakfast."

"I wasn't hungry, sir."

"Hmm… and wasn't feeling up to at least sitting and visiting with your friends?" Harry didn't respond. "Did you talk to Professor Snape?"

"I did..."

"And I take it that it didn't go so well…?"

"No… it… it started to, but… it didn't end well. Professor, I hope you don't mind, but I really don't feel up to talking about it."

The Headmaster nodded sadly. "Well, Harry, should you _ever_ change your mind, the job is yours. And I have a listening ear and a shoulder should you need it."

"I appreciate that Professor… May I go now? My friends are expecting me."

"Of course, my boy. Try to enjoy the rest of your day. And I expect to see you at meals, even if you are not hungry. It is important to spend time with your friends." Dumbledore gave him a knowing look and Harry nodded in response.

As Harry left, the Headmaster stroked his beard, lost in thought. He was very concerned about "his two boys." Neither attended breakfast. And they both tend to isolate themselves when they get upset. Something happened, last night after dinner, he was sure of it. _They_ _both_ _have_ _feelings_ _for_ _each_ _other_. _What_ _went_ _wrong?_ He decided that if Severus didn't show up at lunch, he would summon him for tea.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

After meeting with the Headmaster, Harry was tempted to go back to the dorm and stay there all day and all night, but he knew that if he did he wouldn't be able to think about anything but the disastrous meeting with Snape and the erotic dreams he had all night. So he found himself walking towards the grounds, and then the lake. He needed sunshine, warmth, and distraction from his pain. He found Ron and Hermione sitting by the lake. He quickly updated them on the very short meeting with the Headmaster. When Hermione once again brought up that Professor Snape didn't show up at breakfast Harry cut her off and said that he really didn't want to talk about Snape. Hermione reluctantly agreed. After a few minutes of idle chatter and Hermione bemoaning the Charms questions she thought she might have missed, they headed over to Hagrid's hut to spend the rest of their morning.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

MID-DAY, IN THE POTIONS MASTER'S QUARTERS

Severus was brewing his third potion as lunch-time began. He had considered his stomach, but it was too queasy with thoughts of Potter and his stupid prank. And he still couldn't bear the thought of seeing him. _Why_ _would_ _he_ _do_ _that?_ _And_ _why HIM,_ _of_ _all_ _people?_ _I_ _was_ _a_ _fool_ _for_ _reacting_ _the_ _way_ _I_ _did_. _I_ _should_ _have_ _glared,_ _stated_ _a_ _simple_ _"that's_ _ridiculous,"_ _and_ _sent_ _him_ _on_ _his_ _way_ _out_ _the_ _door_. _I_ _should_ _not_ _have_ _shown_ _any_ _emotion_. _Emotions_ _could_ _suggest_ _that_ _what_ _he_ _said_ mattered_ to_ _me._ He watched the potion bubble rapidly. Satisfied, he let the potion boil while he chopped and ground the next ingredients.

_Potter_ _is_ _such_ _a_ _fool_, he reflected, as he ground mercilessly. _He_ _can't_ _even_ _pull_ _a_ _prank_ _without_ _failing_ _miserably._ _It_ _would_ _have_ _made_ _more_ _sense_ _if_ _he_ _had…_ _said…_ _that…_ _when_ _he_ _was_ _gushing_ _his_ _thanks_ _or…_ _hugging_ _me_. _Yes,_ _a_ _good_ _prankster_ _would_ _have_ _tried_ _to_ _butter_ _me_ _up_ _or_ _looked_ _for_ _a_ _moment_ _of_ _weakness,_ _and_ _THEN_ _hit_ _me_ _with_ _that._ _But_ _no_. _He… _Images of Harry's tear-streaked face haunted him and he banished them away with anger. Remembering Harry's blush and averting eyes, he scowled and ground harder. Harry, panicking as he stumbled around the classroom, trying to get away. _"Please_ _don't_ _make_ _me_ _tell_ _you_. _I'm_ _not_ _ready_ _to_ _tell_ _you._ _You_ _won't_ _believe_ _me._ _I_ _promise_ _I'll_ _tell_ _you_ _later."_ "STOP!" Severus yelled, slamming the pestle into the mortar. Still shaking with anger, he realized that ground beetle particles had flown up onto his robes. Disgusted, he grabbed his wand and muttered "evanesco." Then he glared at the boiling potion. _Ruined_, he thought to himself with irritation_._ He muttered the vanishing spell again and set out to begin a new batch of the potion.

Breathing slowly he immersed himself in the task of slicing and dicing carefully. But then tear-filled green eyes made their way into his mind. He hated to see those teary eyes. He tried to remember the way Harry smiled at him, _at_ _HIM!,_ and the way his eyes lit up and sparkled so beautifully when he told him that he could keep the vial of memories. What he wouldn't do to bring a smile to his face everyday, and never be a reason for his tears. Had he hurt him? Was he the reason he cried? Why? Because he yelled at him? Or were the tears faked and it was all part of the prank? Because there was no way it was true. Harry _couldn't_ be in love with him, therefore it _had_ to be a prank or bet of some sort.

Severus was becoming exhausted with sadness and anger battling each other within him. And he was so confused. The whole thing just didn't make sense. It was a poorly planned prank. He could think of at least a dozen different ways that Potter could have easily humiliated him much more successfully. Fragments of their conversation played in his mind. _"I_ _can_ _no_ _longer_ _live_ _with_ _your_ _cruelty_… _Because_ _it_ _hurts_… _It_ _hurts_ _because_… _I_ _want_ _us_ _to_ _be_ _friends_…_"_ _"Tell_ _me!_ _What_ _are_ _you_ _hiding?"_ _"No,_ _no,_ _please_ _don't_ _make_ _me." "Potter!_ _You_. _Tell_. _Me_. _Now!"_ _"No,_ _please,_ _I'm_ _not_ _ready."_ _"NOW!"_ _"I'm_ _in_ _love_ _with_ _you."_

Not only was it a poorly planned prank, he seemed so reluctant to tell him… that last part. Harry stumbled around the room, trying to get away from him, pleading with him, begging him to not make him tell. Harry would have had to count on him being so insistent that he tell him what he was hiding. How could Harry be certain that he would take the bait? If he hadn't, then what? Severus admitted that if it were a conversation between Harry and anyone else, he would have believed it. But… it was impossible for Harry to _like_ him, much less… _love_ him.

He wanted it to be true! Oh… ! But if it were true… The idea that it could be true, that Harry wasn't lying, was just as disturbing. Then it would mean that Severus _bullied_ the boy into revealing his private feelings and then cruelly accusing him of lying. It would mean that he had made him cry, that he had _hurt_ him. And it would also mean that the young man he loved felt the same for him, but he threw away any chance of happiness coming from that.

But that's ridiculous. Harry couldn't possibly feel that way about him.

Brewing potions was supposed to calm him. But despite the brewing, he was becoming more upset. He scowled at the roots he was slicing. Just then he heard a familiar voice fire-call him…

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

MEANWHILE, IN THE GREAT HALL…

Harry and his friends had visited with Hagrid until it was time for lunch. Again Professor Snape didn't show, and Hermione noticed right away. "Harry, I know you don't want to talk about this, but he didn't show up for breakfast and he's not here now. I've asked around – he hasn't been seen all morning!"

Ron rolled his eyes. "He's probably brewing potions or marking T's on exam essays."

Hermione glared at him and whispered furiously, "need I remind you that this is the man that Harry – "

Ron blushed. "Okay, okay, I get it!"

Harry scrunched up his forehead. "Hermione, I don't know why you're making a big deal about this."

She leaned forward towards him and spoke softly, "because he's a Hogwarts professor. He is _never_ absent from a meal in the Great Hall and he has missed two in a row – right after your meeting with him!" Harry sighed and shook his head as she continued. "I think he's hurting, just as you are. I'm convinced. I believe he does care about you and is sorry that he hurt you. He's more sensitive than any of us give him credit for; he is just really guarded about his feelings and the expression of them." She glared at Ron when he snickered.

"But Hermione," Harry whispered. "How do you _know_?"

She smiled softly. "Just think about it, okay? And if he doesn't show up for dinner, go talk to him?"

"Hermione, he yelled at me and I yelled at him. He doesn't want to see m–"

"Just… think about it, okay? Remember what I've said before. He is easily misunderstood. You have to read between the lines. What he says does not always mean how it appears on the surface."

Harry nodded, remembering. He knew that, but was still too hurt to see clearly.

Towards the end of lunch Harry had an idea. He remembered what Dumbledore once said about Pensieves being useful in examining memories. The last thing he wanted to do was to relive the previous night. But Hermione was insistent that he rethink his interpretation of the conversation. He excused himself from the table, told his friends he would catch up with them later, and approached the staff table.

The Headmaster had just stood to make his leave when Harry reached the table. "Professor, may I have a word?"

"Of course, my boy," Dumbledore replied, noticing that Harry had new life in his eyes. "I was just heading to my office. Would you like to converse there, or on the way?"

"I'd like to wait until we get to your office, if you don't mind."

"Not at all."

As soon as they arrived to the Headmaster's office and the door was shut, Dumbledore offered Harry a shortbread. Harry declined. Dumbledore took a chocolate covered one for himself and began nibbling on it as he and Harry sat down.

"Professor, I was wondering if it would be ok to borrow your Pensieve."

"That is a pretty big request, Harry. Why do you ask?"

"Well… I… It is possible that I have misinterpreted a conversation. It was a very emotional and upsetting conversation, so I don't trust that my memory is accurate and that I'm seeing it clearly. I remembered that you once said that Pensieves were useful in reexamining one's own memories."

Dumbledore looked at Harry carefully. He had already suspected that Harry and Severus must have had an upsetting conversation the previous night, after dinner. He was positive that this was the conversation that Harry wanted to revisit. "Yes, they are quite useful Harry. I'll be happy to grant your request. However, at the moment Professor Snape is still in possession of my Pensieve. He had requested it yesterday and has yet to return it."

Harry looked down in defeat. "Great. So now what do I do…"

Dumbledore smiled. "Hope's not lost, Harry. It just means you'll have to wait a little while. I'll retrieve the Pensieve sometime this afternoon and will send word to you when it's available for your use. Since I have meetings planned for this afternoon, I will probably send Professor McGonagall to you and you may use the Pensieve in her classroom. She can instruct you on how to withdraw your memories if you need any assistance."

Harry nodded and smiled. "Thank you very much, Professor."

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

After Harry left the office the Headmaster fire-called the Potions Professor in his quarters. "Severus… Are you there?"

"Yes! What? !" came a snapped reply.

"I would like you to come over to my office for tea in one hour. Oh, and bring my Pensieve."

After a few moments the Headmaster's request was met with a soft but irritated "Fine. I'll be there."

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

**HP**: Um… was it really necessary to discuss my… dreams? [blushes furiously]

**SS:** Just be glad that she didn't discuss your "anatomy"! [glares at author] I'm in agreement – was it necessary to talk about foolish dreams that I of course wouldn't have? And was it really necessary to discuss my trip to the loo?

**RW:** Aw, don't worry about it! We all have dreams like that. It makes our characters more real, more human. And we all go to the loo. It's funny! And it's important to have humor in a story. Especially to give a relief from the angst.

**HG:** Yes, humor is important, but must it be _loo_ humor?

**AWPBD**: Would you like to hear about my theories on the magical properties of humor?

**SS**, **HP**, **RW**: NO! **HG**: Yes!

**A:** Yes, but at another time, Headmaster. Um… Professor Snape, are you happier with your portrayal in this chapter?

**SS**: Happier? [raises eyebrow] To the extent that I am not crying. But I am disappointed that you underestimate my abilities to brew potions without becoming distracted by sentimental wanderings of the mind, and thereby ruining said potions.

**AWPBD**:Perhaps it's not so much an underestimation, but rather a recognition that unexpected events, especially highly charged ones, can shape us in drastic ways, even in ways that we would never have thought possible.

**A**: I could not have said that better myself.

**HP** & **RW:** [scratch head in confusion]

**HG:** [nods enthusiastically]

**SS:** [rolls eyes in irritation] Sure, Albus. You say so.

AN: Please write me a review! Since I don't get paid in money for writing, reading lovely reviews from my readers is the next best thing! : D Thank you!


	9. Chapter 8

**Warnings:** HPSS, Preslash, Slash, AU, language, meddling old coots. Don't like, don't read! I like to make my characters cry, but my stories _always_ have happy endings.

**Summary** and **other notes** posted with ch.1-4.

**Thank** **you** to my lovely reviewers: QueenMinnie, Puzzle Me This, joytiger, someonewhoisherebutnothere, Rori Potter, Daddys little crazy bitch, Silverwolf407, SevsGal90, workingsomecoffeemagic, WhiteangleofJagles, lucyjoan, PixieofDoom13. Your comments made me smile. : ) **Thank** **you** to everyone who has tagged this story as a favorite or alert.

This chapter was probably my biggest writing challenge ever. I appreciate your patience in waiting for it and I hope the wait was worth it.

**Please** **read** **and** **review.** **Reviews** **are** **like** **food** **for** **my** **soul** **and** **my** **muse!** **:** **)** Chocolate frogs for all my readers (warning: there's angst in this chapter – the chocolate will help! lol) and for my reviewers: blackcurrant tea and vanilla biscuits. Enjoy!

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

**Chapter** **Eight**

WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON

Severus had been oscillating between anger and hurt despite his efforts to not think about that insufferable green-eyed Gryffindor. But after Albus firecalled him with a request for a meeting, Severus' thoughts became focused on him instead. Severus was anything but rational when he felt hurt. And on top of that, it was easier for him to be angry than sad. So, despite logic, Severus began to blame the Headmaster for all his troubles. By the time the hour was up, Severus had gotten himself quite worked up.

Severus snatched the Pensieve and flooed to the Headmaster's office. Severus knew that Albus preferred that the Staff only used their school floo system for emergencies but he didn't care. He was angry and he still wasn't up for anyone else seeing him, on the chance that they might know by his bloodshot eyes and dark circles that he had been crying and had lost sleep.

"Ah, Severus! You're right on time!"

"Headmaster," Severus greeted curtly. "Here's your Pensieve," he added as he thrusted it forward.

"Thank you," the old wizard smiled. "So, what will it be? Earl Gray, blackcurrant... I have a new spearmint –"

"I'm not in the mood for tea, Albus," Severus spat out, interrupting.

Blue eyes blinked with surprise and wrinkled with sadness as he poured himself a cup of mint tea.

Severus began pacing. "What in the hell were you thinking, Abus? ! He's a mere boy. He is not ready to be a teacher and you are a fool for expecting this of him! He is a notorious rule-breaker, no thanks to your encouragement, and therefore cannot be a role model for behavior! How can he possibly be trusted with the responsibilities of teaching and enforcing discipline? ! How can he be taken seriously? ! All the students here will not be able to respect him as an instructor since they know him as a fellow student! ..."

With every minute Severus' anger grew. While at first his comments could be argued to have some rationale, it didn't take long for him to spiral into a completely illogical rant. His voice was barely above a whisper, but venom oozed with every syllable. Severus cursed Albus, questioned his sanity, and suggested that too many sweets have addled his brain. He cursed Potters Jr and Sr and repeated every insult he had ever said about the Boy Who Lived to Make Him Miserable.

Dumbledore sat quietly and patiently sipped from his cup of tea. When he was halfway through his second cup, he poured a cup for Severus and stirred in a cube of sugar. He then interrupted the Potion Master's rant. "Yes, Severus, I understand. Please humor an old man. Sit with me and have a cup of tea."

Obsidian eyes glared and thin lips sneered but the Potions Master finally sat. He huffed, picked up the cup of tea, looked at it with disgust, and downed the contents with two swallows. A few seconds later he looked up. "Calming Draught." His shaking hand dropped the cup, which broke when it fell to the floor. "Damn you, Albus," he whispered, his words lacking the venom it had earlier.

The elder wizard waved his wand with a quiet "reparo," summoned the repaired teacup, and placed it on the desk. He smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry, Severus, but you were really upset and I felt that it was best that you calm down. Such venomous theatrical displays do neither of us any good and I know you don't really mean all those things you said."

Severus, despite his desire to argue, to rant and rave, and to fixate on anger in order to keep the hurt at bay, began to calm down. A chilling realization washed over him. "Albus, what have you done? How much did you put in? And with _spearmint_ tea? !"

The Headmaster looked at him with puzzled eyes and stroked his beard. "Only slightly more than a normal dose. What's wrong with the tea?"

Severus groaned. He knew that potions could increase in potency or even have unpredictable side effects if paired with other potions and or with some teas. He was upset that Albus didn't seem to know this, as he was rumored among the staff to spike the teas with potions during meetings. "What's wrong is that Calming Draught and spearmint should not be paired together. It can have adverse effects."

Blue eyes widened. "Oh my, I didn't realize. Well, perhaps I should mention that I also added some Clear Mind."

But the younger wizard didn't hear him. The calm that had settled within him gave way to despair. He shuddered, haunted by tearful green eyes and angry words that pierced his heart. _Has_ _anyone_ _ever_ _loved_ _you? What's_ _wrong_ _with_ _you?_ _!_ _It's_ _impossible_ _for_ _anyone_ _to_ _love_ _you!_ _How_ _can_ _you_ _ever_ _have_ _love_ _and_ _happiness_ _in_ _your_ _life?_ _!_ And worst of all, _I'm_ _in_ _love_ _with_ _you!,_ spoken with a sweet voice that was seemingly choked with emotion, but couldn't possibly be with sincerity. It didn't matter that he was responding to these words out of context. He was in deep despair, due to the state of his emotions that day and the inauspicious combination of Calming Draught and mint tea. He was drowning in the pain that caused him to cry himself to sleep, the pain that he tried to escape that morning and mid-day by brewing potions. Severus shuddered, choked with racking dry sobs, fell forward onto the Headmaster's desk, and began to cry.

Dumbledore frowned. _Perhaps_ _this_ _is_ _what_ _he_ _meant_ _by_ _"adverse_ _effects."_ The potion-tea combination, rather than soothing the anger and bringing him to calm, must have swung a bit too far in the other direction, like a pendulum. Dumbledore figured that the feelings themselves were most likely real, even if the particular expression of them was encouraged or enabled by the potion-laced tea. Dumbledore knew Severus well enough to know that the anger of his earlier rant was really masking the pain he felt on the inside. He also knew the man well enough to know that it was best to give him a few minutes alone. He picked up the Pensieve and flooed to Prof. McGonagall's office. He gave Minerva the Pensieve and thanked her for agreeing to let Harry use her classroom and to give him assistance if needed. She said she would talk to Harry after his Transfiguration exam.

Dumbledore flooed back to his office and regarded the sight in front of him.

A man sat with his head hidden by his arms, crumpled and crying as though his world had ended, at Dumbledore's desk. It was the second time in his life that Dumbledore saw the man this way and it broke his heart.

"Severus, please talk to me."

"Albus," Severus sobbed. "I can't. I can't keep hurting this much."

"What happened? Why are you upset?" Dumbledore asked.

Severus continued to sob for another minute. Finally he wrestled enough strength to control himself enough to stop crying. "Potter," he spat out, lifting his head from his arms. "He came by my office last night. I don't know who is involved, but Potter and his friends have some kind of sick game, prank, or bet."

Dumbledore quietly handed the tear-streaked man a handkerchief. Severus accepted it gratefully. Crying was bad enough but evidence of it was even worse. He wiped his face, blew his nose, and, not wanting a reminder of his weakness in sight, pulled out his wand to banish the soiled handkerchief to the laundry. Severus sat there for a moment, lost in thought, while Dumbledore wondered if the ill-effects of Calming Draught and spearmint had finally worn off and when the Clear Mind would start to kick in.

Suddenly Severus stood up and started to pace. "It's sick, absolutely sick. I wish I knew which brat put him up to that! But of course he would be willing – he's just like his father! Perhaps he even masterminded it! 'Let's make a fool out of Snivelus! No one could possibly want the dungeon bat! Who could love such a greasy git?' " He paused, squeezing his eyes tight as though fighting the urge to cry again. " 'Let's see what would happen if someone were to give him hope of love and happiness and then crush it!' " He paced and then spun around dramatically. "And Potter! Why him? Why couldn't it have been _anyone else_?" Severus stopped by the chair, grabbing the back of it until his knuckles went white. He was trying really hard not to cry again. "I have been pranked before. I have been subject to taunts and cruel jokes. But this is the worst. The absolute worst."

Albus stared at the man, puzzled. It sounded to him as if Harry had confessed his feelings and Severus wouldn't believe him. _Is_ _this_ _why_ _Harry_ _and_ _Severus_ _are_ _both_ _upset? _"Severus, stop, please. I'm confused. Explain to me exactly this prank you refer to."

"Harry Bloody Potter. He said that he was in love with me."

Dumbledore smiled, eyes twinkling. He was proud of Harry for being so brave. He wondered what made the young man admit his feelings. "That's quite a confession."

"It's _not_ a confession! It's a bet, a prank, a joke to humiliate me. He couldn't possibly be serious."

"Now, if this were a prank, wouldn't it make sense to start this earlier in the year? Why, with only a couple days left in the term, he and the rest of the school do not have enough time to fully enjoy the after effects of the prank."

"Whose side are you on anyway?"

"Yours, of course. I'm merely showing how the timing of this is not advantageous for a prank; and therefore, how it is _not_ likely to be a prank. And if this _were_ a prank, how come no one knows what has happened? The last time a teacher was pranked it took less than two hours to reach the entire student body! So, no, this does not seem like a prank at all."

"Well, then it was a poorly designed prank," Severus conceded. Dumbledore could tell that the Clear Mind potion had started to take effect.

"Come, let's sit. Any more pacing from you and I'll have to replace my carpet." Severus sat back down in his seat and Dumbledore chose to sit in a chair beside him, rather than on the other side of the desk. "You admit his prank was poorly designed. Any other reasons besides the timing?"

"Well, for one, when he chose to do it. He had opportunities earlier in our meeting which would have been more effective. And two, he acted reluctant to tell me. It would have been all too easy for him to…" _not_ _answer_ _my_ _question_ "not tell me." _And_ _what_ _if_ _I_ _had_ _not_ _bullied_ _him?_ _Would_ _he_ _have_ _told_ _me?_

"He seemed reluctant? Hmm..." Dumbledore stroked his beard and looked at the Professor carefully. "Did he have a pre-planned speech or was it more… spontaneous?"

"I… I don't know."

"Severus, you're smarter than that. Did he have a drawn out declaration with a relatively calm demeanor or did he blurt it out with a quick and impulsive admission?"

The Potions Master sighed. "He blurted it. And he was…" Severus remembered the frantic and desperate manner in which Harry tried to run from him and the way he pleaded… He shook his head, not wanting to remember. "He was the antithesis of calm," he finally added.

"Hmm… Was there something you said or did that encouraged or provoked him?"

"I…" He shifted uncomfortably and looked guilty. He finally admitted in whisper that was barely audible, "I might have bullied him."

"What was that, Severus?"

He huffed and spoke louder. "I goaded him. I… chased him around the room, yelling at him and accusing him of lying or hiding something from me. And that's when he told me."

"Oh, Severus." Dumbledore patted him on the shoulder. "My boy, do you think he would have told you that if you hadn't, well, bullied him into telling you?"

Severus sat still for a minute, trying to keep his face from betraying his conflicting thoughts and emotions. "I don't know, Albus. He protested quite a bit before telling me. And he said he wasn't planning on telling me."

"Hmmm… doesn't sound like a prank to me, does it?"

Severus didn't answer. He sat stiffly and his lip twitched. He didn't have to say a word, but the Headmaster could tell that he was considering it.

"And what were you discussing earlier?"

Severus thought for a moment, remembering. "He talked about the job offer. He said that his acceptance of the position would depend on whether I could treat him as I do the rest of the staff." He huffed. "As if I wouldn't! Foolish boy. I advised him that his decision should rest on his desires and abilities, not on how he thinks others would treat him or feel about him. Why should it matter how I treat him?"

"Did you ask him that?"

"Yes."

"And…?"

"He said he wanted to be friends. But he was lying, Albus! Or hiding something! I could see it in his eyes!"

"Ah… And that's when you accused him of lying or hiding and pressured him into revealing the truth?"

"Yes," he answered, wincing.

"Seems to me that a plausible explanation for this is that when he declared he wanted friendship, he was, in fact, not being entirely truthful because he wanted _more_ than that."

"And another explanation is that he _doesn't_ want friendship because he _doesn't_ like me."

Dumbledore chuckled at the man's stubbornness.

"It's not funny."

"Tell me this. After he said he wanted friendship, you looked into his eyes?"

"Yes, I already told you that."

"Well, did you look into his eyes after he said he was in love with you?"

Severus closed his eyes, trying to keep his face impassive. "No, I didn't. I didn't need to."

_You_ _mean_, _you_ _were_ _afraid_ _to._ Dumbledore didn't speak his thoughts because accusing the Potions Master of fear and cowardice would do nothing but anger him and cause him to close up. "Did Harry try to convince you that he was telling the truth?"

Severus snorted. "You could say that. He even offered to take Veritiserum or let me use Legilimency on him. But he wouldn't have said that if he didn't find a way around that. Or if he thought I wouldn't actually resort to it."

"Honestly, Severus. You said so yourself, on multiple occasions, that Harry was unsuccessful in learning Occlumency. You mean to suggest that he has suddenly become such a powerful wizard that he would be resistant to Veritiserum and your Legilimency skills?"

The passive-faced man shifted uncomfortably. He knew how weak his argument sounded. He knew Albus had a point, but he didn't want to admit it outloud. And making the final leap to believing that what Harry said was true was still difficult.

He was emotionally and mentally exhausted. His life was much simpler before. He could handle the dangers of spying and the irritation of teaching lazy and undisciplined students. Having feelings for that insufferable Gryffindor knowing that they wouldn't be returned was bad enough. But he couldn't handle _this..._ being so convinced that what Harry said couldn't possibly be true, wanting so desperately for it to be true, and finding that the walls in his argument are not so sturdy after all. This state of confusion and uncertainty was exhausting and scary. _And_ _none_ _of_ _this_ _would_ _have_ _happened_ _if_ _not_ _for_ _the_ _Headmaster_.

"Albus, why for Merlin's sake did you offer him a position?"

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows at the change in subject but wasn't too surprised. He was well acquainted with the Potions Master's tendency to change subjects and avoid questions if tender emotions were involved or if continuing a topic would require his admittance of being in the wrong. "Because he will be a good teacher," he finally replied.

"He's too young."

"And how old were you when I hired you? He is not any less qualified than you were when you began teaching."

"You know I was relieved that it was his last year here. You know how difficult he's made my life."

"Don't pretend like you don't remember our conversation last year."

"What conversation?"

"Don't play dumb, Severus. It doesn't suit you. The one in which you admitted your feelings for the young man."

"I had a moment of weakness. I didn't know what I was saying –"

"Perhaps you didn't intend on admitting it to me, but you know you meant what you said."

Severus sighed and looked away. "I haven't touched a single drop of Firewhiskey since that night."

"Don't be scared of or embarrassed about your feelings! I know you were anxious for him to be gone because you wanted to forget about him. It's easier and safer than confessing your feelings and risking rejection. But are you still convinced that he can't return your feelings?"

"Albus…" Severus begged in a pained voice.

"Well…?"

Severus glared at him briefly and then looked away. He got up suddenly and started pacing again. "I thought he would be gone, Albus! Finally gone from my life and I could forget about him and live my life in peace! I could go back to being a cold heartless Potions Master, unloved and incapable of loving. I would be fine without him and he most certainly would be fine without me. But now, now all I can think of is _him_. All I can think of is Harry speaking those words and wishing so desperately that his words were true!"

Severus stopped pacing and looked at the man who was so much like a father to him. "Albus, I've never felt so weak in my life, not even when I lost Lily, and you know how weak I was then! I can't bear this! For years I've lived a controlled life, free of emotions that could weaken me." He looked down in defeat. "And now I've lost control. I allowed myself to see him in his own right, not an incarnation of his father. I allowed myself to develop respect for him and pride in him. But I have fought my attraction, fought my feelings, and I just can't fight anymore."

Severus took a deep breath. "I'm scared, Albus. I thought I would never love again… And I never wanted to. And then… I had to fall for _him._.. I don't know how to forget or turn off these feelings."

"There's no need to forget or turn off those feelings."

Severus shook his head and sat down. "It hurts, Albus."

"You're not the only one hurting right now. Tell me Severus, have you ever been the reason for one of Harry's smiles? Have you ever made him happy?"

Severus sat quietly, remembering the smile and sparkle in Harry's eyes when he told him that he could keep the vial of memories. He remembered Harry throwing himself at him, hugging and thanking him, and saying he wasn't ready to let go. _If_ _I_ _could_, _I_ _would_ _make_ _Harry_ _smile_ _everyday_.

After pausing for a moment and seeing a small smile flicker on the other wizard's face, Dumbledore continued. "Wouldn't you rather be the reason for his happiness than the reason for his pain? If you leave him with what happened between you last night, then you hurt him, as well as yourself. There is no reason for the two of you to suffer like this! Your feelings are mutual!"

Severus huffed. "What could he possibly see in me?"

"What, indeed. But Harry could ask the same thing. What could _you_ possibly see in _him_? It is ironic, isn't it, that the two of you should be attracted to the other. He, the spitting image of his father, notorious rule-breaker, young enough to be your child, and, in your own words, dismal at potions and insufferable brat. How could you have developed such caring feelings and attraction towards him. Who, besides me, would believe that you could have such feelings for him? The antagonism between the two of you is widely known. And could Harry himself believe that it's possible that not only do you not hate him, you have –"

"Stop, Albus," Severus begged, wincing.

"But Severus, don't you see? It seems impossible he could have feelings for you, but it seems just as impossible for you to have feelings for him! And since _you_ _do_ have feelings for him, then it _is_ _certainly_ possible for him to have feelings for you in return!"

Albus had a point. He really did. Severus knew it. And despite his efforts to the contrary, he found himself swayed by him. But he couldn't admit it to the man.

"Severus, my boy, would I ever lie to you or lead you astray?"

"No, Albus, I know you wouldn't."

"Then trust me. Talk to him."

Severus sat still for a moment then nodded curtly. "I'll consider it." Severus stood up. "Now, if you will excuse me I have potions to brew and exams to grade."

Dumbledore smiled and nodded, eyes twinkling. "Of course. And will I see you at dinner tonight in the Great Hall?"

It was posed as a question but Severus knew that it was meant as a demand. "Yes, of course." He hesitated then asked "Do you mind if I floo back to my quarters?"

"Not at all. Go right ahead."

When Severus arrived in his quarters he started a fire in the fireplace and sat down in his favorite chair. A strange warmth was growing in his heart. He had hope. It was scary for him and he wanted to resist it, but there was a part of him that didn't want to give up without trying. _How_ _do_ _I_ _reach_ _out_ _to_ _him?_ _What_ _do_ _I_ _say?_ After a few minutes he knew what to do. With the excitement he usually only felt when inventing a new spell or perfecting improvements on a potion, he rushed to his desk. With his finest parchment and his favorite quill and ink, he wrote a note. He slipped it into an envelope along with a vial. He spent the rest of his afternoon grading exams and brewing potions. And while there were plenty of poorly written essays that irritated him and threatened to exhaust his red ink supply, the warmth in his chest never left and every so often his lips twitched into the smallest of smiles.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

**SS:** [Huffs] Well, finally the truth is out. The ridiculous crying scene that readers had a preview of in the first chapter was brought upon by the ill-effects of Calming Draught-spiked-spearmint-tea!

**A:** Well perhaps you should trust me more, Severus. Even if you appear to be out-of-character, there is a good reason for your behavior. [Whispers] But just so you know, it _is_ okay to cry sometimes. It's normal. It doesn't mean you're weak. [smiles]

**SS:** Of course you would say that. You're the type to wear your heart on your sleeve.

**A:** How did you know? [giggles]

**AWPBD**: I'll have to agree with the author. It is our recognition of and expression of feelings that make us human. And it takes far greater strength to face and express those feelings in all their forms (and yes, that includes tears), than it is to run away from them.

**SS:** I'm _not_ a coward.

**AWPBD**: Ah, then, you should have no problem with having a little chat with a certain Gryffindor…

**SS: **[averts eyes] I… wrote a note…

**HP**: [blushes]

**A & AWPBD: **[eyes twinkling]

**HP**: Is the note for me? [eyes wide with hope] What does it say?

**A:** Why, yes, it's for you, but you will need to wait for the next chapter to see what it says.

**HP**: Does he really… um… [whispers] have feelings for me?

**A:** [whispers in Harry's ear] Yes!

**SS:** [icy glare] What did you tell him? !

**AWPBD**: Would anyone care for some tea?

**Everyone:** NO!

Please write me a review! Reading reviews for my writing is better than getting paid money for a job! : D Thank you!


	10. Chapter 9

**Warnings:** HPSS, Preslash, Slash, AU, language. Don't like, don't read!

**Summary** and **other notes** posted with ch.1-4.

**Thank** **you** to my lovely reviewers: Azrael Jinsei, Lynn92, deana, FlameSparks27058, Silver-Eyed Leanan Sidhe, ObsidianEyed, joytiger, Rori Potter, Daddys little crazy bitch, Silverwolf407, workingsomecoffeemagic, lucyjoan, PixieofDoom13, Reader-anonymous-writer, HARVEY'S GIRL, FiresBurningTouch, Hedwig-hoots, Ali Ranger51, and melanie.

Your comments made me smile. : ) Some comments in particular made me grin so big my cheeks hurt or made me laugh so hard my tummy hurt. Thank you! ! !

WOW – and at 21 reviews, I think it might be the most reviewed chapter! Also, **thank** **you** to everyone who has tagged this story as a favorite or alert. It gives me a smile when I see the notifications in my email inbox.

I appreciate your patience in waiting for this chapter and I hope the wait was worth it! There are, I think, 2 more chapters left. The next chapter has hardly been written at all so it will take awhile to get it put together. : ( Especially since my schedule is about to get very busy with work (goodbye summer, hello fall semester). However, the final chapter is pretty much done, so once I get the next chapter posted, the final chapter won't be far behind! (After the "final" chapter, there may be an epilogue or sequel. Still haven't decided on that!)

Wee! I think this might be the longest chapter by far. Meat and fruit pasties for all my readers. It's a long chapter, and a mentally and emotionally exhausting one (especially for Harry), so you'll need the energy.

**Please** **read** **and** **review.** **Reviews** **are** **like** **food** **for** **my** **soul** **and** **my** **muse!** **:** **)** When you stop by my desk to leave a review, please enjoy some pomegranate tea and lemon biscuits. : )

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

**Chapter** **Nine**

WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON

After Harry met with the Headmaster, he found Hermione and Ron in the Gryffindor common room, studying for their Transfiguration exam. He told his friends that he would probably have the opportunity to revisit the previous night's conversation with Snape via the Pensieve. Hermione was immediately excited but Ron didn't understand why Harry would revisit something that made him cry. Hermione explained that Harry might notice something he had missed or perhaps will realize that he had misinterpreted something.

"What, like clues that means he likes Harry?"

"Yes, that's what I mean." Hermione answered.

"Well, I'm trying to not get my hopes up too high," Harry said softly. His two friends nodded understandingly. "But no matter what I find, or don't find, I'll feel better if I take another look."

They had about an hour and a half left before their exam so they studied and practiced together for an hour and then went to the courtyard to enjoy the beautiful day outside.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

On the way to the Transfiguration classroom, Harry, Ton, and Hermione crossed paths with Prof. Lupin.

"Ah, well if it isn't my favorite bunch of troublemakers!"

"Hi, Professor," the Gryffindors chimed.

"Harry, I was wondering if you wanted to come visit sometime, maybe in a week or two? I want you to meet Teddy."

"I would like that very much," Harry answered, smiling.

"Of course, Ron and Hermione, you are welcome to come visit as well."

"Oh, thank you, Professor. I would enjoy visiting with you and Tonks and I would love to see your new baby!" Hermione gushed.

Ron was less enthused, but upon seeing Hermione's joy, he smiled. "Yeah, that would be great." The glowing smile she gave him was worth it.

Harry's fingers fiddled with the pocket of his robe. He wondered if Prof. Lupin knew he was offered the job to co-teach Defense and that he declined it. He felt guilty because he knew the man was tired and wanted more time with his new family. But Harry knew that he made the right decision for himself. He looked up. The man's brown eyes were soft and he was smiling at him. _He_ _probably_ _doesn't_ _know_.

"So, Harry, have you put in your application to the Auror Training Program? If you need a letter of recommendation I would be happy to write one for you."

_Thank_ _Merlin_ _he_ _doesn't_ _know!_ "No, uh, I changed my mind about that."

Remus' eyebrows went up in surprise. "You've talked about being an Auror for years."

"Yeah, well… you know… tired of fighting and killing…" Harry shrugged.

Remus nodded in understanding. Then his eyes brightened and his mouth spread into a huge grin. "A month ago I asked the Headmaster if it would be possible to hire an assistant or co-instructor. He told me he would see what he could do. I think you would be perfect for the job! I'll tell the Headmaster that you are not pursuing Auror Training after all!"

"Um, thanks, Prof. Lupin, but I don't think I'm interested in teaching here."

Remus' eyes dimmed slightly. "Oh. Well, that's fine. It's certainly not a job for just anyone. Well, whatever you decide to do I'm sure you'll be successful at it." Remus gave a small smile but the Gryffindors could see that he was a bit disappointed.

"Thanks, Professor. I appreciate it. I hope you weren't disappointed."

"Harry, you've got to make the decision that's right for you. What it would be nice to spend time with you, after all, you are family to me, what would make me happiest is to see you happy. I mean that."

Harry nodded and Remus smiled bigger, the happiness finally reaching his eyes once more.

Hermione cleared her throat and pointed out that they needed to hurry to get to their exam on time. Everyone said their goodbyes and Lupin wished them luck on their exam. They arrived to the Tranfiguration classroom barely on time, with Prof. McGonagall giving a look of disappointment at the way they rushed into the room.

The exam consisted of an essay and a practical. Examiners had the students attempt to transfigure books into chairs and parchment into blankets. Hermione's blanket was soft, cozy, and pleasing to look at. Harry's was not near as nice-looking, but it was functional. Ron's blanket was passable enough but was a bit thin and stiff.

After the exam and the students were preparing to leave, Prof. McGonagall asked Harry to stay for a minute. Harry looked at his best friends meaningfully. They smiled and quietly wished him luck. Harry approached his professor's desk and fidgeted nervously while the classroom emptied. Prof. McGonagall mainly watched her class leave but stole a few glances at Harry, wondering why he was granted permission to use such a rare and valuable magical tool. She couldn't imagine why he would have need for it. When the last student left she waved her wand to close and lock the door.

"Mr. Potter, do you know why you're here?" She asked.

Harry nodded shyly. "To borrow Prof. Dumbledore's Pensieve."

She pursed her lips. "I admit I'm quite shocked that he's granted you permission, especially without supervision. To my knowledge he's never done this for anyone besides staff. May I ask why?"

Harry shook his head. "I'm sorry professor, but it's very personal."

She looked at him with concern. "Is it a problem that I can help you with?"

"No, Professor, but thanks for asking."

She nodded once. "You may use the Pensieve in my classroom. I'll be in the office should you need me. When you are done, stop by my office and let me know." She paused, then continued after Harry's nod of acknowledgment. "Do you need any assistance in getting started?"

"Yes, Professor. I don't know how to extract memories."

"Do you wish to _remove_ the memory from your mind or do you wish to extract just a copy?"

Harry didn't need to think about it – he didn't want to take any chances that his only memory would be lost. "Just a copy, Professor."

"Very well. It's easy enough. I'll show you. Get out your wand and have a seat while I retrieve the Pensieve from my office."

As Prof. McGonagall walked away Harry pulled his wand from his robe pocket. He set it on the desk. Due to his nerves and excitement he had become hot so he took off his robes, folded them, and placed it with his book bag. Feeling fidgety, he adjusted his sweater and loosened his tie. Then he thought it would be a good idea to pull out his quill and some parchment so he could take notes immediately after viewing the memories. He was in the middle of doing that and preparing to sit back down when Prof. McGonagall returned with the Pensieve.

"Now, Harry, what you need to do is place the wand at your temple and concentrate on the memory, from beginning to end, as best as you can. It's not important to remember every detail clearly or even accurately. Just focus on what you do remember. You will also need a nonverbal spell. You will begin by thinking the following words loudly: 'incipient duplicatam memoria.' Then think about the memory you wish to extract and slowly pull the wand away from your temple. You'll feel a very subtle tugging sensation. Again, it's not important to recall every detail. The spell and your magic will fill in the rest. While we cannot consciously remember every detail of our past, the truths do lie in the hidden corners of our minds. Once you think about where you want the memory to end, finish it off with a nonverbal 'finis' and continue to pull the wand away. When the tugging sensation ends, then flick the wand toward the Pensieve and the memory will drop down into it. Well, that's it. Do you have any questions?"

"Yes, Professor. What if there are two memories I want to extract?"

"Well, in that case, extract the first memory, drop it into the Pensieve, then extract the second memory. When you enter the Penseive, then you will automatically see the first memory and then the second. Or, you may extract the first memory, view it, set it aside in a flask or vial, and then repeat the process with the second memory. Any other questions?"

"No, Professor."

"Do you remember the words of the spell?"

"Yes, it's 'incipient duplicatam memoria' and 'finis.'"

"That's correct. I'll be in my office. Be sure to let me know when you're done."

"I will. Thank you, Professor."

"You're welcome, Harry." She smiled affectionately.

Prof. McGonagall headed towards her office. When she closed the door Harry let out a sigh. He didn't know if he was more nervous or excited. He felt a strange mix of hope and fear. He breathed slowly to calm himself down. Finally he felt ready. He placed his wand at his temples and prepared to think the spell's words with conviction. _Incipient_ _duplicatam_ _memoria!_ He began the first memory at the point just before he entered Prof. Snape's office and he slowly pulled the wand from his temple. He remembered his fear that Snape had changed his mind and the joy that only was Snape allowing him to view a memory, but was giving him the vial to keep and it held multiple memories! Harry ended the memory when he left the office to view Snape's memories in the classroom. _Finis!_ Harry felt the subtle tugging sensation end. He flicked the wand and watched with fascination as the wispy silvery substance at the end of his wand floated down to the Pensieve.

Finally it was time. He could revisit the memory and perhaps see what he hadn't noticed or remembered. Would he have a new understanding? Would he be disappointed? It was worth the risk. Better to know than not know. He started to dip his face into the Pensieve, hesitated, bit his lip, and finally closed his eyes and plunged in.

There he was! It was so strange to see himself! He had been in a Pensieve before, but never in a memory that included himself. It was strange to revisit his own memories, and even stranger, to stand outside of himself. _Bloody hell, do I really bite my lip like that?_ Then he remembered why he was there: to watch Snape.

He looked at him. Before he was so nervous and he couldn't keep his eyes on the man the whole time. Also, he was too focused on his own thoughts and feelings to pay more attention to Snape's reactions. Now he could focus solely on that. _Why is he looking at me like that? What is he thinking?_ It was a strange and intense expression. He's seen him look at him like that before – and had assumed it was loathing. But… was it something else? He paid attention to the expression, trying to commit to memory its nuances – the shape of his eyebrows, eyes, and mouth.

He especially paid attention to Snape's expressions when he had originally averted his eyes. He saw Snape shifting in his seat as though he were uncomfortable and briefly wondered why.

Then Snape's expression changed to something Harry was very familiar with – hard and cold – just before he spoke again. Snape said, "You've got to promise me that you will not share this with anyone else." When Harry had looked up with a smile, Snape's eyes widen a fraction. Then he saw the smallest quirk of Snape's lips, like he was trying not to smile. Finally the dark eyes narrowed and thin pale lips frowned slightly. Harry was fascinated by the succession of expressions on Snape's normally expressionless face and wondered how he had not noticed before. Why was Snape surprised, happy, and then upset? What was he thinking when he smiled and why did it so quickly turn to a frown?

He realized that Snape's face was far more expressive than he had thought – it's just that his expressions are very subtle.

As Harry promised Snape and thanked him, Severus blinked and his frown relaxed. He had a curious stare that Harry had trouble reading. Before Harry could really study it, the cool detached expression that was so often on the man's face had replaced it.

Harry especially paid attention to Snape when he handed over the vial. Harry remembered the electric sensation of their fingers brushing against the other. Immediately after their fingers brushed Snape's lips parted and eyes widened ever so slightly. Harry hadn't noticed that before. It lasted just a moment and then Snape went back to his usual stoic expression.

When Harry realized that he was given what appeared to be more than one memory and Snape told him he could keep them, he was so happy and surprised that he hadn't noticed the effect his reaction had on Snape. As Harry watched he was surprised to see a subtle (yes, it was subtle, but it was there) change in expression flicker briefly across Snape's face. This expression, like one before it, was too brief for Harry to study.

Snape's face was stoic and cool as he curtly sent Harry out but again broke when Harry turned and made his way to the door. Harry dwelled on the curious expression. It seemed almost sad… and determined.

As soon as the door was closed, the memory ended.

Harry sat at the desk for a few moments, recovering from the experience, before grabbing his quill and taking a few quick notes on what he saw. He dug through his book bag and was pleased to find that he happened to have a spare potions vial. He retrieved the memory from the Pensieve with his wand and transferred it to the vial.

He repeated this process for retrieving memories, which took more time since the second memory was much longer. When he reached the point where he ran out of the Potions classroom, he ended the memory and sent it to the Penseive. This time he didn't hesitate. He entered the Pensieve right away and the second memory began.

Snape entered the classroom and noticed Harry crying. Harry expected to see an angry expression but that's not what he saw. Instead, Harry thought that he looked uncomfortable. And… did he look concerned? Harry was a bit embarrassed to see himself cry, so he turned his focus back to Snape. He then remembered that he was about to hug Snape. How could he have forgotten?! His stomach twisted with anticipation. He couldn't believe that he had been so recklessly impulsive. He hadn't planned on crying nor lunging at Snape into a hug but he was overwhelmed with emotion. Snape had given him such an incredible gift and seeing his mom brought out the deepest of grief as well as indescribable happiness. Grief over losing his parents and not having their love and guidance as he grew up and happiness from having the memories to keep.

Here was the moment. He would see Snape's expression during the hug. He expected to see disgust, anger, and reluctant tolerance. But that's not what he saw. Snape's eyes widened. His jaw dropped. His eyes darted around. His face was tense. But then he closed his mouth and eyes and reciprocated the hug. Moments later, his face relaxed. And… was that a smile? Was Snape smiling?! Snapes's arms wrapped around Harry more tightly. _So, I didn't just imagine that!_ Harry never saw Snape look so… relaxed and happy. Did he ever see him happy? Oh, he's seen Snape full of glee when punishing disobedient students and satisfaction when Syltherin won a Quidditch match, but he hasn't seen anything resembling contentment.

But then the softened lines on Snape's face became a little harsher and his eyes were squeezed tight. _Why? Why did he smile and look so relaxed and now looks upset?_ Snape was asking how long Harry's hugs were. Harry wondered what the expression meant. _Is_ _he_ _angry_, _upset,_ _uncomfortable?_ It really seemed like Snape enjoyed the hug. Then Harry remembered that Snape said that he didn't hug and decided that maybe Snape did enjoy the hug, but he was uncomfortable simply because he wasn't used to doing it.

Harry had a hard time focusing on the next part of their conversation because he was still mulling over Snape's expressions during the hug. But he snapped back to the moment when he saw Snape's face transform quickly from a look of mild frustration to fear. Harry was surprised. He realized that this was the moment when he suggested that Snape hadn't gotten rid of him and that he was offered a teaching postion. He expected Snape to look angry or disapproving, but he looked… afraid. _Why_ _would_ _he_ _be_ _afraid_ _of_ _me_ _staying_ _at_ _Hogwarts?_

Harry was mesmerized. Even as Snape he listed the reasons why Harry shouldn't teach he still looked afraid. When Harry didn't verbally fight back, he looked surprised. Then as the conversation progressed Harry expected coldness and disdain, even cruelty. But that's not what he saw. What it was, he couldn't really say. It was very similar to his usual stoic, distant expression – but something wasn't quite the same.

Then Snape called him "weak." Hearing it again was just as hurtful, but Harry pushed the feelings aside and focused on Snape's expression. It didn't look disdainful at all. Rather, after Snape uttered that word, it almost seemed that he regretted it. Harry hoped that he was right on that.

Harry was not looking forward to the next part. He didn't want to hear and see Snape bully him again. But he needed to see this. He needed to know if he misunderstood the man, if there was another way to make sense of what happened between them.

After Harry told Snape that he wanted them to be friends, he saw a flicker of something in the man's face, too quick and too subtle to describe. As quick as it came it went right back to the cold distant expression that was his usual look. Snape was calm as he first accused Harry of lying, but then as his interrogation, and then bullying, intensified, Harry was surprised and relieved that he didn't see anger or hate on the man's face. If Harry wasn't mistaken, Snape seemed… desperate… afraid. Harry wished he knew what the man was thinking and feeling.

And then, when Harry made his confession and he and Snape fell to their knees, Snape's face changed instantly to a very clear and expressive look of shock and disbelief. There was no doubt of that. Then his face changed and he pulled his hands away from Harry, stood up shakily, and slowly turned around and took a few steps away. He stopped and placed his hand on a table, as if to steady himself.

Harry pondered the newest expression as he maneuvered to stand in front of Snape. The expression when Snape pulled away from him reminded him of the time when Aunt Petunia accidently touched a hot baking pan. _Was_ _Snape_ _in_ _pain?_ _Why_ _would_ _my_ _feelings_ _hurt_ _him?_ Then Harry remembered that Snape didn't believe him. _Okay,_ _so_ _he's_ _in_ _pain_ _because_ _he_ _thinks_ _that_ _I_ _lied?_ Harry decided to puzzle that later, especially since he was now seeing Snape's face contort in a succession of expressions, which Harry thought seemed to include hope, desperation, fear, confusion, shock, anger, and most of all – hurt.

Harry felt mentally exhausted from those few moments alone. The expressions were intense and quick. Harry was shocked. He never before saw such a wide range of emotions (or more clearly expressed) on the man's face.

During the last bit of their conversation, Snape was indeed clearly angry, but there was something different there from his usual angry look. And at the very end it melted away and left behind pain. Deep pain. And... he seemed desperate as he demanded (_begged?_, Harry thought) that Harry leave. It was so strange to Harry to see that on his face. It didn't seem real. But there was no denying it.

The memory ended and Harry was back in his seat in the Transfiguration classroom.

Harry felt guilty. He had no way of knowing what Snape thought or truly felt, but at the end he was clearly hurt. While Harry didn't know why exactly Snape was hurting, Harry knew that he was the cause of it. He didn't want to hurt Snape. He cared for him, he loved him… more than he wanted to.

He sat at the desk for a whole minute not moving. He felt drained. His chest was tight and his stomach was in knots. Afraid he would forget what he saw, he finally gathered the will to set aside his emotions and jot down what he noticed so he wouldn't forget. Harry then added the second memory to the vial with the first memory, thinking that it wouldn't hurt.

When he was done he knocked on his Professor's office door, had a short conversation that he was only half-way paying attention to, and then shuffled out of the classroom.

As Harry made his way from the Transfiguration classroom to Gryffindor tower, he decided that he needed time to himself to analyze the memories he had just viewed. He wanted to come up with his own thoughts independently of what Hermione and Ron might come up with. He could ask them what they thought later. Not only that, he was mentally and emotionally exhausted and needed some quiet time to recover. He just wanted to be alone.

Harry didn't see his friends in the Gryffindor common room. In fact, no one was in the room. _Must be enjoying the nice weather outside._ He was thankful for the quiet and solitude. He went to the seventh year boys dorm room and found a note from his friends.

**Will** **be** **at** **the** **lake.** **Join** **us** **if** **you** **want.** **Will** **come** **back** **to** **the** **Tower** **shortly** **before** **dinner.** **–** **Ron**

Harry draped his robes on a chair, kicked off his shoes, retrieved the notes he had made earlier in the classroom, laid his book bag by his trunk, and finally got comfortable on his bed. He closed his eyes, composed his thoughts, opened his eyes, and began to write.

Later he looked at the time and realized it was about twenty minutes before dinner. Ron would be coming in any minute now and he wasn't ready yet for his friends' interrogation and advice. While he did have some hope inside him and his reinterpretation of the previous night's events was promising, he didn't want to trust in his hopes and have them be dashed. Reliving such an emotional night and walking the fine line between too little and too much hope was exhausting.

When Harry heard the cacophony of familiar voices coming from the common room, he knew he had to hurry. He opened his nightstand drawer, retrieved a Puking Pastille, and shoved his parchment and quill into the drawer. He quickly chewed and swallowed the Pastille. Just as Ron entered the room and greeted him, Harry pushed passed him, ran into the boys' bathroom and barely made it to the sink in time to vomit. _Disgusting!_ The smell and taste of the bile was enough to make him vomit again. He rinsed his mouth and the sink with water and took a swig of mouthwash to get rid of the awful taste.

"You alright there, Harry?" Ron asked, standing at the doorway.

Harry finished swishing the mouthwash and spat it out. He groaned. "That was gross… I'm not feeling too good, Ron."

"Are you sick? Do you need to see Madam Pomfrey?"

"No!" Harry exclaimed quickly. "No, I just… want to stay in bed for awhile," he said in a softer tone.

"Ron, Harry, are you coming?" Hermione's voice rang out from the stairway.

"I'll be back," Ron promised as he left the bathroom to talk to Hermione.

Harry stood at the sink for a moment and then went back to the dorm room. He changed into a T-shirt and lounging pants and climbed into bed, pulling the covers up.

Ron came back in. "Sorry mate. Hermione says if you don't feel better after dinner she will personally see to it that you go to the Hospital Wing. Geez, sometimes she's almost as bad as my mom!"

Harry laughed. "Oh, you know you like it."

"Yeah…" Ron blushed. "Well, I hope you feel better."

"Thanks, Ron."

The red-head nodded and left the dorm. Harry laid in bed for a few minutes (just in case Ron came back or any of their other dorm-mates came in) and then sat up and pulled out the notes he was making earlier. While everyone was at dinner, Harry continued to takes notes on Snape's expressions and what they could mean.

When he had done about as much as he was capable of, he stuffed all the parchments into the nightstand drawer and laid back in bed, planning to take a nap. Just before he fell asleep he smiled as he thought about his two best friends, wondering when they would finally admit their feelings for the other.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

MEANWHILE, IN THE GREAT HALL

Severus attended dinner but didn't have much of an appetite. He was disappointed that Harry was not there. Towards the end of dinner he walked over to the Gryffindor table where Ron and Hermione sat.

Hermione immediately saw that his eyes were bloodshot and that his face was more strained than usual. It made her sad for him.

"Where is Mr. Potter?" he asked, in a cold flat voice.

"Harry's not feeling well," Hermione answered.

"He vomited just before dinner," Ron added.

Severus winced. "Then am I correct to assume he's in the hospital wing receiving treatment? It would be unfortunate if he were roaming about the castle."

"He's in bed, sir, taking a nap. If he doesn't feel better after dinner then I'll take him to see Madam Pomfrey," Hermione assured him. The professor's nod and tiny quirk at the corner of lips were almost imperceptible, but not unnoticed by Hermione.

"I understand that he missed breakfast as well."

"So did you," Hermione pointed out.

"That is not your concern, Ms. Granger."

He pulled an envelope out from a pocket in his robes and handed it to her. "Give this to Mr. Potter and tell him that I require a response."

Hermione accepted the envelope and placed it carefully in a pocket in her robes. She noticed that the envelope wasn't flat; there was something small and hard inside. However, she didn't comment on it.

Ron looked at him suspiciously. "What is it?"

The Potions Professor gave him a hard look. "It is not your business."

He turned back to Hermione, the corners of his mouth twitching into a frown of irritation. "Ms. Granger, also tell Mr. Potter that he is not to be missed from any more meals."

Hermione smiled at the unusual wording. _He misses Harry, I know that's what he means! And he seemed concerned about Harry's well-being!_ "I'll do that, sir," she replied.

The professor inclined his head subtly and then swooped down the Great Hall, robes billowing behind him.

Hermione hesitated a few moments before getting up from the table. "Where are you going?" Ron asked.

"I'll be right back." She ran after the professor. "Professor, wait!" She caught up to him in the corridor outside the Great Hall. "Professor!" she called.

He turned around. "If you want to know how you did on your Potions NEWT, you are wasting my time. You will need to wait like everyone else."

"It's not that, sir." She stepped closer to him and lowered her voice. "It's Harry. I know, sir. I know that Harry talked to you last night. And I can assure you – he's not lying. He meant what he said. I know it's hard to believe, sir, but it's the truth."

He stared at her, face expressionless, eyes so piercing she felt uncomfortable, like he was reading her mind, but she did not look away. Finally he blinked. His eyes flickered to the left and right and finally settled back on her. He spoke so softly that she strained to hear him. "Did Mr. Potter give you permission to speak to me about this?"

"Well, no…" she admitted.

"Then it is not your place to do so," he replied, with a voice as delicate as a cirrus cloud. He pivoted and swooped down the corridor.

She watched him for a moment then returned to the Great Hall, pondering over what he said and how he said it.

When she got back to the table, Ron looked up at her, dying of curiosity. "Well…?"

"Later. Are you almost done eating?"

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

Five minutes later the two Gryffindors left the Great Hall. On their way to Gryffindor Tower, Hermione sing-songed, "I told you so!"

Ron snorted. "Told me what?"

"That he's been upset. That he _does_ have feelings."

Ron was anxious to know what she did when she ran from the table. She said she would explain when they talked with Harry. Then they discussed what could be inside the envelope. By the look and feel of the envelope, they could tell it was more than just a note inside. Hermione guessed that it was a potions vial. But they couldn't agree on what kind of potion their professor would be giving Harry.

"Do you really think Snape might have feelings for Harry?" Ron asked.

"Yes, I do. I think there's a good chance of it."

"Hmm… I admit the idea that Harry loves Snape is still weird for me. But I want Harry to be happy."

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

The friends found Harry laying in bed, blinking sleepily.

"Do you feel better, mate?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, loads. I just woke up from a nap." He sat up.

Hermione was practically vibrating with excitement.

"What is it?" Harry asked. "Did something happen at dinner?"

Hermione described what happened in the Great Hall and corridor and her analysis of it.

"It was obvious he had been crying a lot. I knew it. I knew that he was upset because of your conversation. But this is very different from him being upset at a student for being disrespectful."

"So _why_ is he upset?" Harry asked quietly.

"I think he's upset because he thought what you said was a lie."

"So he's upset I lied to him?"

"Not exactly… More like, I think he's upset because he wishes that what you said wasn't a lie… He _wants_ to believe you."

Ron shook his head. "How do you figure this out?"

Hermione smiled and shrugged. She pulled the envelope out from her pocket and handed it to Harry.

He ran his hand over the surface, feeling its fine surface. He could tell it wasn't your average everyday parchment. He looked at his name, "Mr. Potter," in spidery handwriting and felt his heart pound. He took a deep breath and finally opened it.

Inside the envelope was a folded note and a vial. Harry was shocked. "The memories! He gave them to me!"

Hermione grinned.

"The memories of your mom?" Ron asked.

"Yes! He told me I could keep them. But after I viewed them in the Pensieve I sat on the floor and cried. Well, you know the rest. Prof. Snape left his office, saw me there, we talked, we yelled, he kicked me out. When I left, the memories were still in the Pensieve! There was no way in hell I was going to approach him to ask for them after what happened last night and I figured he was too angry with me to bother. Wow!"

Harry immediately got up and looked for a safe place to put it. He finally decided to wrap them in two pairs of socks and then he added a Cushioning Charm. Hermione thought it was a bit excessive, especially considering that Prof. Snape probably put an Anti-Breaking Charm on the vial, but she didn't say anything.

Harry was so happy he forgot about the note.

"Go on, read it!" "Read the note!"

Harry swallowed nervously. "Sit with me? We'll read it together."

The three of them climbed onto the bed, sitting close so they could all see the letter.

Harry unfolded the fine parchment with shaking hands.

**Mr.** **Potter,**

**It** **was** **inappropriate** **for** **me** **to** **goad** **you** **into** **revealing** **something** **you** **were** **not** **yet** **ready** **to** **share.** **There** **was** **no** **evidence** **to** **suggest** **you** **had** **done** **anything** **wrong,** **therefore** **I** **should** **not** **have** **interrogated** **you.**

**It** **was** **unfair** **to** **automatically** **assume** **that** **you** **were** **lying** **or** **playing** **a** **prank.**

**Your** **decision** **to** **accept** **the** **teaching** **position** **should** **remain** **between** **you** **and** **the** **Headmaster** **alone.** **You** **should** **not** **base** **such** **a** **big** **decision** **on** **how** **people** **feel** **about** **you,** **or** **rather,** **how** **you** **presume** **that** **people** **feel** **about** **you.**

**Please** **accept** **my** **regrets.**

**Prof.** **Snape**

Harry and his friends exploded in smiles and exclamations.

"Whoa! Snape never apologizes for anything!"

"And he indicated he was wrong not once but several times!"

"That's true. It is significant that he is apologizing. I think you should take this as a very good sign!"

"He wrote 'or rather, how I _presume_ that people feel about me.' Do you think that means that when I assume he doesn't like me, that I'm wrong?"

"Yes, definitely, mate!"

The three friends discuss possible meanings for each line of the note until they heard the sound of their housemates climbing the stairs.

"Hey guys," Neville said, as he and Dean walked in. "Harry, are you feeling better?"

"Yes, I am, thanks," Harry replied. He turned to look at Ron and Hermione. "I need to go the Library. I have some books to return. Want to come with me?"

"Sure."

"Yes, of course."

They got off the bed. Harry carefully placed the letter and envelope inside of a textbook and place it in his bookbag. He found a hoodie in his trunk and pulled it on. Then he grabbed his bookbag and checked to make sure Neville and Dean weren't looking before he stuffed the scribbled-on parchments from his nightstand into his bag. Then he rummaged through his drawer for a sheet of parchment that was clean and had few wrinkles.

Hermione, guessing what Harry was looking for, placed her hand on his arm and whispered, "I've got something. Go on to the Common Room."

Harry and Ron headed downstairs while Hermione went to her own dorm room. She joined them in the Common Room with what looked like a thick folder. "I have some nice parchment and envelopes in here, along with some new quills," she explained.

Instead of going to the Library (Harry said that in case Neville and Dean were paying attention), they went to the Room of Requirement.

Harry asked for the Room to give him a comfortable couch as well as a desk with several chairs. They were not disappointed when they sat down on the couch and found that it had the right amount of cushiness and firmness.

"Okay, guys, I need to tell you about what I saw when I used Dumbledore's Pensieve."

Harry pulled out his notes and summarized for them what his noticed and how he interpreted Snape's expressions. They agreed with the analysis he had made thus far. Then he pointed out what he was stumped on. They weren't able to help him figure out the meaning of Snape's expression when Harry first walked into the office and why he shifted in his seat.

When it came to the hug, Ron had some insight. "Look, mate, Snape probably hasn't had many hugs. He doesn't let people close. He might like it, even enjoy it very much, but he doesn't know what to do with it. I mean, he probably feels insecure because he's not sure if he's doing it right or what the rules are. And, he might be one of those kinds of people who isn't comfortable in admitting that they enjoy something. Like it would make him seem weak."

Harry widened his eyes and then nodded pensively, thinking that Ron's explanation was plausible.

Hermione's jaw dropped. "Wow, Ron, that is so insightful! That makes a lot of sense!"

Ron grinned and blushed at Hermione's compliments.

Harry noticed the smiles and blushes they exchanged and smiled to himself, wondering how much longer it would be before one asked the other out. He really did need to pull one of them aside and encourage them to do just that.

All the blushing and smiling started to make Hermione giggle. She turned to Harry and asked him if there were any other moments he wasn't sure about.

Harry explained the moments when it looked like Snape was afraid, what seemed like fear and desperation, when Snape flinched, and the wide range of emotions at the end, including pain. Harry already had his own thoughts on it, but he really wanted to see what they thought.

Hermione definitely had some ideas on that. "Let's just go with the assumption that Snape has feelings for you. Of course he's going to assume that you do not return his feelings. If his feelings are strong enough, it's possible that it's painful to be around you. He said before that you frustrate him and make life hard for him. That would make sense. It's frustrating to be around someone you desperately want, someone you're convinced doesn't want you. So… the thought of you leaving Hogwarts would then be a relief for him. He can try to put you out of his mind. But, you said you might stay at Hogwarts to teach, which meant that he couldn't escape you and the feelings he has for you. I think that's definite cause for him to be afraid."

Harry nodded. "Okay, yeah, that does make sense. That is, going with the assumption that he has feelings for me. But… why would he be afraid if he doesn't have feelings for me."

She sat still for a moment. "That makes less sense, to me. I suppose if you really irritate him… but it seems that that would result in disappointment or anger, not fear…"

Harry hummed and nodded. "Yeah. I expected anger from him. Odd that he would seem afraid. It didn't make sense."

"Exactly," Hermione agreed. "It really only makes sense if he does have feelings for you."

"Alright, so what about the rest?" he asked.

"Hmm… seeming desperate and perhaps fearful while interrogating you… You said you wanted to be friends. He didn't believe you. He thought you were hiding something. This one is trickier. Honestly, I think that the two emotions here would make sense no matter what he feels for you. Desperate to know the truth, that would be obvious. We all know he hates being lied to and wants to get to the bottom of anything that students are hiding which they shouldn't. And perhaps he was afraid that you would make a fool of him or play a prank on him."

"He would be afraid of that? ! He doesn't seem to be afraid of anything!" Ron exclaimed.

"I believe he's afraid of humiliation. He might not admit to it or openly express that, but I believe he does fear that," Hermione countered.

Harry remembered the last Occlumency lesson he had with the man. He had invaded his professor's privacy and saw his father humiliate Snape when they were in school. "Yes, I definitely agree with Hermione on that," he said softly.

"As for your confession…," Hermione said thoughtfully. "He didn't believe you when you said you were in love with him. So, imagine this… You are desperately in love with someone – "

"Not so hard to imagine!" Harry grinned.

Hermione and Ron laughed. She continued, " – and that person tells you they love you too, but then they tell you that it's not true, they didn't mean it. And, perhaps, it was a meant as a prank – to make you think you had something you wanted, and to jerk it away from you."

"Ouch. That would hurt," Harry winced.

"Exactly," Hermione replied. "And I think that's really the only explanation that makes sense for the look of pain and the way he pulled his hands off you. I can see him flinching away from you in disgust or pain – if he didn't like you and was repulsed by your attractions… but he didn't believe you! So even that wouldn't explain it."

"Okay, and what about the last bit."

"Wow, talk about an emotional rollercoaster. I think this also supports the idea that he has feelings for you. Let's say that he doesn't have feelings for you. In that case, it wouldn't really matter how you felt about him, would it? Unless you made him uncomfortable by touching him and pressuring him for a date when he clearly doesn't like it. _And_ for you to say you love him when you don't, again, why should he care? Really, what kind of a prank is that? If he didn't care, he could have rolled his eyes and said that it was a ridiculous notion. Every expression you mentioned that he appeared to have – hope, fear, even anger – _fits_. Hoping that you _do_ love him, afraid that it isn't true, anger and hurt that you would say such a thing and not mean it."

Harry nodded slowly. "Yes, that does make sense."

"But if he didn't have feelings for you," Hermione continued, "then it doesn't make sense that he would feel all of that. Honestly, if he wasn't interested in you, I can picture him being irritated or indignant that you would dare to say such things to a professor – but that's all I see him feeling. Not hope, fear, pain, or desperation!"

The three friends agreed that overall things seemed to look in Harry's favor. It appeared that feelings might be mutual between the two. The tricky part would be to get past the hurt and misunderstandings and to try to begin a relationship with a man who is not easy to get close to. Harry knew that the man was "difficult" – in many ways. But he loved him all the same, just as he was. Frustrated him, yes, but he loved him and now that he felt he had a chance with the man, he didn't want to give up.

The three Gryffindors sat on the couch quietly for a moment, lost in thought and recovering from the emotional and mental exhaustion of trying to understand the enigma known as Professor Snape. Harry then sat up, pulled out the letter from Snape, and read it quietly a couple times.

"Alright, guys, I'm ready to do this. I have a letter to write."

Harry pulled out a quill and some wrinkled parchment from his bag. He and his friends sat at the desk that the Room of Requirement provided and discussed the reply that Harry should send Snape. Harry made so many scribbles and scratch outs that his hand started cramping up.

"Make sure it's clear that you do have feelings for him."

"Let him know you have no hard feelings against him."

"You need to tell him why you're turning down the job."

"Accepting his apologies would be the polite thing."

"Yes, but give him back his dignity by saying he wasn't in the wrong after all."

"Yes. Because he hates to be weak and apologizing could be seen as a weakness."

"Asking him outright how he feels probably won't work."

"Not right now, anyway."

"You need to bait him into revealing how he feels."

"Suggest something that isn't true so that he will have to correct you and reveal how he really feels."

"What if he's open to friendship but not to love?"

"Would you be okay with that?"

"Whoa, careful, watch that language. Don't write anything that sounds like you're not interested."

"Yes, you want to keep things open on your end. Let him know that you are open for anything he can offer."

"Yes, so it's up to him to reveal what he is willing offer."

"Scratch out 'for us both,' leave it open to interpretation."

"Should I write 'It will' or 'I think it will'?"

"Try 'I assume it will' and take out "for me" so that it sounds like you don't have a problem with it, but you assume that it will be a problem for him."

"Yes, so he'll have to admit that it _won't_ be a problem for him!"

"Change 'could have been' to 'could be' so it sounds like you're still interested if he is!"

"How's this?"

"That'll bait him!"

"Yes! He will _have_ to tell you how he feels!"

After several parchments full of scribbles, Harry finally had a draft that he was happy with. He copied the note carefully using the nice parchment and quill that Hermione brought and his best handwriting (that took considerable effort).

Harry summoned Dobby, who arrived quickly with a cracking sound, and asked him to deliver the note to the professor. Dobby was very happy that Harry had an important task for him. He promised to deliver it right away and left with a crack.

The three Gryffindors left the Room of Requirement and stopped by the Kitchens, since Harry's appetite had returned. Arms loaded with savory meat pasties and sweet fruit pasties, they headed back to their Common Room. Hermione grumbled a bit about the rights of house elves, while Ron and Harry just looked at each other, grinned, and shook their heads. They were out a little past curfew, but luckily they didn't get caught by any patrolling professors and the ghosts that floated by didn't pay them any mind. The Fat Lady, however, gave them a light scolding before she finally let them in.

They crashed on the couch, picked at the pasties, and shared some with their house mates. When their tummies were full they sat quietly for a few minutes and then said their goodnights.

Harry went to bed with a smile on his face. He was still a little nervous. There were certainly no guarantees. But he had high hopes.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

MEANWHILE, IN THE POTIONS MASTER'S QUARTERS

Dobby arrived with a crack, surprising (and irritating) the Potions Professor.

Severus glared at the house elf. He had been reading (or rather, attempting to read, since his mind kept wandering to thoughts of a certain green-eyed Gryffindor) and a house elf popping in his personal rooms while reading (or doing anything besides sleeping, for that matter) was not a welcome surprise.

"P- Professor Sev'rus Snape, sir, I have a letter for you sir," the house elf squeaked, nervous under the professor's glare. He blinked his big watery eyes and hoped that the professor would not be angry with him. "It's from M- Mr. Harry Potter, sir. He said to deliver it to you right away, sir."

Severus' expression immediately softened upon hearing Harry's name.

Dobby hesitantly approached the professor, holding out the letter. Severus took it. He stared at the house elf.

"S-sir, if you have a reply for Mr. Harry Potter, I would be happy to deliver it," Dobby squeaked, nervously playing with his hands.

"I cannot exactly have a reply ready for Mr. Potter, since I have not read his letter," Severus replied, anxious for the hyper house elf to leave.

"Oh, oh! Of course not, sir! B-but, whenever you do have a reply ready, just call for me! My name is Dobby, sir. Just call for me and I'll be here. I'll happily deliver your reply, sir." Dobby tried to smile at the intimidating professor.

Severus nodded curtly. "Thank you, Dobby."

Dobby blinked. He rarely heard the Potions Professor express gratitude or any kind words to anyone. Dobby grinned. "You're very welcome, sir! Any friend of Mr. Harry Potter's is a friend of mine." He disappeared with a crack.

Severus recognized the name, and then realized that Dobby once served for the house of Malfoy. He wondered why Dobby was at Hogwarts, seemingly serving Harry and referring to him as his friend.

His thoughts then turned to the letter in his hand. The parchment was nicer than he expected from Harry, and the address, "To Prof. Snape," was written in neater writing than Harry's usual scrawl, but was still clearly Harry's penmanship.

Severus was both excited and nervous. He hesitated, bracing himself for the worst, and opened the letter.

**Prof.** **Snape,**

**I** **appreciate** **your** **note,** **sir.** **I** **appreciate** **your** **apology** **for** **pressuring** **me** **into** **telling** **you** **my** **feelings** **and** **accusing** **me** **of** **lying,** **but** **I** **don't** **blame** **you.** **You** **had** **every** **right** **to** **suspect** **me** **of** **hiding** **something** **and** **to** **want** **answers.** **Yes,** **I** **was** **hiding** **my** **true** **feelings** **for** **you,** **that** **I'm** **in** **love** **with** **you.** **I** **don't** **blame** **you** **for** **not** **believing** **me.** **I** **didn't** **intend** **to** **tell** **you** **because** **I** **assumed** **that** **you** **couldn't** **feel** **the** **same** **way.** **I've** **already** **told** **Dumbledore** **I'm** **turning** **down** **the** **job** **offer.** **I** **assume** **it** **will** **be** **too** **uncomfortable** **to** **work** **together** **when** **you** **know** **how** **I** **feel** **and** **couldn't** **possibly** **feel** **the** **same.** **I** **wish** **we** **could** **be** **friends,** **or** **at** **the** **least** **civil** **colleagues,** **but** **I've** **accepted** **that** **it** **will** **be** **too** **difficult** **and** **uncomfortable** **and** **that** **you** **are** **not** **interested.**

**Harry**

Severus sighed and leaned back into the couch, holding the letter against his chest. He closed his eyes. The words "I'm in love with you" danced in his head, again and again. He smiled.

After a minute or so he looked at the letter again, his eyes focusing on those five little words. He felt like a lovesick teenager, but he couldn't help it.

He shook himself of the silliness and read the whole letter, beginning to end, twice. It would take him some time to plan out his reply.

Severus carried the letter to his chest as he made his way to his bedroom. He laid the letter carefully on his nightstand, dressed down to his briefs, put on a silky black nightshirt, and climbed into bed. As he drifted off to sleep he thought about Harry's letter and how he would respond. For the first time in a very long time, he fell asleep with a happy smile on his face.

_HPSS_ _HPSS_ _HPSS_

**HP:** I'm exhausted!

**HG:** Me too!

**RW:** Me three! And I'm hungry.

**HP** **&** **HG:** You're always hungry!

**A:** [Ahem!] Let's give a warm welcome to the newest additions to the table, Prof. Lupin and Dobby.

**Gryffindors** &** AWPBD**: [Claps enthusiastically]

**SS:** [Claps politely]

**RL:** Thanks, everyone. I was happy to see I was included in this story.

**SS:** [muttering: Aren't we all.]

**D:** Oh, my. You i-included me? ! I never thought that I would be included in a story, _by_ _name_, like an _equal_!

**HG:** Of course you should be treated as an equal, Dobby! You _are_ an equal!

**D:** [Overcome with emotion, he bursts into tears and blows his nose noisily into a hankie]

**SS:** [Looks at Dobby's emotional display and poor manners with disgust]

**AWPBD**: Well, Harry, I understand you received a letter recently. Did it bring you good tidings?

**HP**: [blushes and darts glances at SS] Um, I think so.

**AWPBD**: And you, Severus, did you receive a favorable reply?

**SS: **[turns his face and blushes furiously] I hardly think that personal correspondences are any of your business.

**AWPBD**: I don't mean to pry, my boy. I just want to make sure that the both of you are happy.

**RL:** [Looks from HP to SS and wonders what is going on between the two]

**A:** Well, okay, I think that about wraps it up. Let's wave goodbye to the readers!

**Everyone** **except** **SS:** [waves] Bye, thanks for reading!

**SS:** [snorts and crosses his arms impatiently]

**HP:** [smiles at SS, blushes, and looks away]

**SS:** [lips quirk into a small smile]

**HP:** Please write a review! We all love to read them, even Prof. Snape.

Reading reviews for my writing is better than getting paid money for a job! : D Thank you!


End file.
